Death

Its been three days, and it still feels weird to talk about. My dear friend Raegan Pratt is dead. Her heart no longer beats, her body is no longer at home, and her spirit is now with Jesus. She was an incredible person, a wonderful friend, and a humble follower of Jesus. What many people didnt know about Raegan was that she loved Jesus way more than she showed. Some might say that thats not true because she wasnt "living it" but oh how she was! She loved the Lord so much, she gave up things for Him, that most didnt know about, she worked to satisfy His heart before everyone else's and through that she put people before herself. How to I live with this fact that she is no longer here or where she was when I left to go 9,000 miles away? how to I live here in Kenya for 3 months, only to detain the inevitable that when I go home to California, she wont be there. How do I help my friends who are hurting over this and are 9,000 miles away? how do I walk through this with the one person who may understand how I feel, even though we are far apart? I spent all day yesterday praying (and begging God) that this was all a bad dream and that I would wake up and I could still call her to hear her voice and her laugh, but at the end of the day she is no longer here, and I think that will always break my heart. I know that she is pain free (for the first time in a long time) with Jesus but it still hurts my heart that she is no longer here with us.
I am living in a country where death happens every day, where I recently found out that cancer has become a HUGE killer. How to I wake up and recognize that all of these people who I walk by on the streets on my way to church, have witnessed this every day and still go on with their lives. The first night I found out that this happened to my dear friend, I didnt sleep at all. I got up and read and cried (alot) and called my sister. That next day I was supposed to go to a wedding and a funeral. I went to the wedding but couldnt bring myself to go to the funeral. As selfish as that may seem, I couldnt do it.
I am thankful to Brian Beeson for letting me call him when I want to cry or reminisce about all the things we all did together. I am thankful to be close enough to the both of them to be able to encourage him and express that she loved him.  And I thankful that he can do the same for me. We sit on the phone and cry about the times we could have spent with her and didnt, we laugh about the times that we all sat together and did silly things.
Raegan was someone who everyone should have at least met, and upon meeting one would quickly realized how much she loved life, people, and the Lord. She loved to listen to music (every kind), she loved to sing as loud as she could to whatever song was playing, she loved eating confetti cake out of coffee cups, she loved going to Mcdonalds, she loved to watch silly movies, she loved meeting knew people, she loved laughing at the stupidness of boys, she loved to talk about what the Lord was doing in her life, and she just loved living life.

so now I go on and try to live life in a country where death happens every day, yet I may never get over this death in my own life.

even through this, God is good.
-E