"Give it to me"

Jesus Calling

By Sarah Young

May 25, 2013

The world is too much with you, my child. Your mind leaps from problem to problem, tangling your thought in anxious knots. When you think like that, you leave me out of your world-view and your mind becomes darkened. Though I yearn to help, I will not violate your freedom. I stand silently in the background of your mind, waiting for you to remember that I am with you.

When you turn from your problems to my presence, your load is immediately lighter. Circumstances may not have changed, but we carry your burdens together. Your compulsion to “fix” everything gives way to deep, satisfying connection with me. Together we can handle whatever this day brings.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God, I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

“The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save, he will take great delight in your, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over your with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

“A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.” Psalm 34:19

I went to read my Jesus Calling this morning, and to my surprise, there was todays entry highlighted in bright green. As I began to read, I laughed, I enjoy when Jesus uses common and familiar words to comfort my heart when I feel so far away. I laughed because this is specifically what the Lord has been teaching me for the last year, learning about truly giving things to the Lord and not “freaking” out about things that are clouding my view of what’s really happening.

I think that recently this happened, when I became overwhelmed with feeling alone. I think that it’s easy to say “’Jesus is with me, I am not alone” but to actually FEEL that is a whole different ball game. For me, it’s hard simply slap Jesus’ name on things or problems to make them seem better or to make them go away. I would rather struggle with something WITH the Lord and allow Him to capture my heart in a way that I am standing there right with Him.

As I wake up each morning, and fall on my knees and beg God to ravish my heart all over again, I pray that He will take away the things in my mind that cloud my view of Him. If I am not looking at Jesus, how can I possibly serve the people of Masii, let alone people anywhere? If I am to wake up and step into servant hood, I must make my entire life about looking and Jesus and helping others see Him more clearly.

As I go to sleep each day, here in Masii, while my family and the people I love are waking up in California (and vice versa), I take the easy way out by saying I am called here or even that I want to be here, yet  I am no more special than anyone else. I heavily struggle with waking up each morning and truly giving Jesus every single part of my heart, even the parts that are truly the hardest to give, then there is so possible way that I can be the “missionary” “mzungu” in the land of Kenyans.

shower?!

I have learned that, while I am here, if I go to turn on the water to see if there is any (for washing clothes, taking a shower, or washing my feet) and there is in fact some, I just need to take a shower, no matter if I actually need to take one or not (only if I haven’t taken one that day, obviously).

Today I went to turn on the water, and some trickled out and then it stopped, there is no water. This is not uncommon and happens about once a week (sometimes more often when there are a lot of people staying here). Still being an American girl, where I am used to water always being accessible, sometimes no water to take a shower is still a surprise. Nope, today I didn’t need one, I wasn’t hot, I hadn’t gotten sweaty, and my hair wasn’t dirty, yet sometimes it helps to wash off the day’s doubts and struggles, to physically do so by scrubbing it off with a bar of soap. 

As I wearily sat down on my bed, looking at a pile of dirty clothes on the floor, I slump back and lay my head on my pillow. I am no tired, but the constant reminder that as much as this place is my home, it sometimes is not the most comfortable place to be. 

Did I just write the word, comfortable?! 

Since when is comfortable something that I simply strive for?

At what point does my comfortableness come in between me and my passion and deep love for this sweet little town. I think that, it’s a little bit ok, that sometimes I really want to the shower to work, or I want to be able to wash my clothes (did I just say that?!). I think it’s ok, that sometimes I really don’t want to sleep under my mosquito net (don’t worry, I always do), or sometimes I’d really love to simply go for a walk by myself to nowhere in particular.

As I look back, on the first time I ever came to Masii in 2009, its funny how there are struggles and experiences I simply don’t even remember.  My most vivid memory from our first trip here, is meeting Faith. I remember that she ran up to me, and instantly we were infatuated with each other, and from that point on, the only thing I remember from that trip is yearning for the next moment that I could sing, dance, and play with little girl who quickly became my very best friend.

Our second trip to Masii, 2011, was different because I longed for two years to come back here. I thought about Faith and the people here, mostly every single day. As I look back as this trip, it was special because I met Maggie (later to become Pastor William’s wife), I was introduced to Ellen (the principal of the school I now teach at), and I got to see Faith again and hold true to my promise that I would come back. 

My third trip to Masii was last summer when I came for three months by myself. This was an incredible thing because this is when this place became my home. This is the place where I can SEE the face of Jesus in every single person, the place where I am welcomed with open arms, and I always long to be back here. Last summer, my eyes were opened to the poverty, heartache, and death that happens here every single day (sometimes its harder to spot when you are here for a short time).

This time, it all feels very different. As much as this place is and always will be my home, things are different, I am different. Over this past year, I have grown into this person who has learned to forgive, how to truly GIVE things to Jesus, how to see the good in the midst of hard, and how see things for what they are and not what I think they are. This time I am really trying to conscious of those around me, of those who are hurting, those who may say they are ok but aren’t, those who are giving me something when they have nothing, those who took all of their courage to greet me, those who remember my name even though I may not remember theirs. This sounds like a funny thing, but something that has hit me like a brick wall every day that I have been here is the loud voice of the Lord reminding me that ITS NOT ABOUT ME. It’s not about me being comfortable, or happy. I didn’t come all the way here so that I could sit in my comfortable room, with a fan, a comfy bed, a bathroom, and people who will willing clean my room for me, yet these things are given to me no matter how much I protest. But I am learning that these things are normal for me, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be any less thankful for them. I am not entitled to anything, not a thing. I am here to give and to serve, and I fail at that a lot but that doesn’t mean I don’t keep trying and doing. 

As much as the idea of possibly waking up again tomorrow and having no water, is a bit daunting, I remember that the whole freaking town of Masii doesn’t have water either! I am not the lonely sacrificing “missionary” “Mzungu” that is being punished and doesn’t have water. I am living with and among the people here and having no water tends to not be such a problem. 

As I go to sleep tonight, I will shut my window, make sure the door is locked, shut the curtains, close the bathroom door (so that mosquitoes don’t come in through the bathroom window), I will put on my pajamas, think about what I’ll wear tomorrow and give up cause I’m too tired, I will clear off my bed of my computer, books, nook, and water bottle, and I pull my mosquito net to cover my whole bed, and I will fall asleep trying not to think about the noises that surround me. I will pretend like I can’t hear that mosquito buzzing around in my room or the loud donkey outside, or even if I really don’t think about either of those things, but how quiet it really is. 

And once again, I will wake up and say YES to this adventure and joyfully turn the knob of the shower, praying that no matter what the outcome, that I may find JOY in Jesus and the people that I may come into contact with.

I love...

I love that the tip of my skirt always has dirt on it

 

I love walking to the shower, completely unsure if water will come flowing out

I love that my Kenyan phone never seems to lose charge but always needs more money on it

I love that no matter how many times I hand wash my clothes, they never seem clean

I love that no matter how much I pretend that my mosquito net is a princess canopy, I still wake up in the middle of the night a little jumpy

I love that the ends of my hair always seem to have dirt in it

I love that I was my hands in the sink water and afterwards they smell bad

I love no matter who many times I wash my feet, they are always dirty 

I love that no matter how lonely I feel, if I chose to, I could walk to anyone’s house here and I would be welcomed with open arms

I love that no matter how many times I smother my food in avocados, I never get tired of them

I love that I can smother my food in avocado and no one here thinks its weird

I love that no matter what words I try to use, there is no way to truly express my experiences here

I love that no matter what time of the day it is, there is usually a lot of noise outside

I love that so much of the noise outside around here is music playing

I love that you can tell when the electricity is off because there is no music playing anywhere

I love that no matter how many pictures I take, when I get back home I will always wish I had more

 I love that no matter how much I talk with the people I miss, I still wish they were here

I love that this is home, and I still get butterflies thinking about it 

I love that I will always have family here

I LOVE that I was called here and now I get to call it home

easy

Jesus' grace is free, but YOUR calling is not. Jesus never said it would be easy, He simply said He would carry you...
 

I am pretty sure that in the bible Jesus never says “hey follow me, it’ll be easy and you won’t have to do anything, ever!” 

I think that Jesus created us with a hole in our hearts that only He can fill. I also think Jesus created us to desire to serve Him and when we don’t, we have this heavy heart. Jesus died so that our sins may be wiped away and so that we may spend eternity with Him. He already knows who will say yes, but (I think) He always hopes that everyone will say yes. Through this, Jesus also created each person for a purpose or a certain calling. Jesus knew that it wouldn’t be easy, He knew this even for the disciples. 

Jesus never called us because it was easy, He called us for His glory. We will never experience the fullness of the God’s glory until we get to Heaven, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t work every day towards glorifying His name today more than yesterday. 

·      -What if bringing glory to God was easy?

·      -What if being in youth ministry for almost 20 years, was easy?

·      -What if taking care of strangers babies, was easy?

·      -What if flying (too long) on a plane to a 3^rd world country, was easy?

·      -What if standing in front of a pulpit every Sunday, was easy?

·      -What if taking care of the homeless, was easy?

·      -What if steering children in the way of the word of God, was easy?

·      -What if waking up every morning and working a 9-5 job, was easy?

·      -What if stepping into the calling of your life, was easy?

YES, as times these things are easy. And YES, so many times, I make this calling on my life sound easy. But are any of these things easy 100% of the time? The best part about stepping into the arms of Jesus and allowing Him to capture your heart is that even when you are at the lowest point, JESUS is the one sitting next to you holding your hand and wrapping His arms around you. When we allow Jesus to, engulf the deepest (& most shallow) parts of heart, we are not only saying YES to Him, we are saying NO to ourselves. It’s an interesting idea that we need to die to live but it’s true. 

“When Jesus saw the crowd around him, he gave orders to cross to the other side of the lake. Then a teacher of the law came to him and said, “Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go. Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head. Another disciple said to him, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father. But Jesus told him, “Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.”-Matthew 8:18-22

We may not have to literally give up everything, but Jesus warns that even He has nowhere to lay his head. Thankfully Jesus’ grace and love are bigger than how we feel. Jesus knows that what He is asking of us, is not easy and that is comes with a certain kind of burden that must be carried, gracefully Jesus never makes us do it alone. Jesus will carry you through the hard stuff and He will skip with you through the easy stuff. 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

Jesus never said it would be easy, but He did say it would be worth it….how about eternity with Him?

Thank you Jesus for this extraordinary life, and this incredible calling.