shower?!

I have learned that, while I am here, if I go to turn on the water to see if there is any (for washing clothes, taking a shower, or washing my feet) and there is in fact some, I just need to take a shower, no matter if I actually need to take one or not (only if I haven’t taken one that day, obviously).

Today I went to turn on the water, and some trickled out and then it stopped, there is no water. This is not uncommon and happens about once a week (sometimes more often when there are a lot of people staying here). Still being an American girl, where I am used to water always being accessible, sometimes no water to take a shower is still a surprise. Nope, today I didn’t need one, I wasn’t hot, I hadn’t gotten sweaty, and my hair wasn’t dirty, yet sometimes it helps to wash off the day’s doubts and struggles, to physically do so by scrubbing it off with a bar of soap. 

As I wearily sat down on my bed, looking at a pile of dirty clothes on the floor, I slump back and lay my head on my pillow. I am no tired, but the constant reminder that as much as this place is my home, it sometimes is not the most comfortable place to be. 

Did I just write the word, comfortable?! 

Since when is comfortable something that I simply strive for?

At what point does my comfortableness come in between me and my passion and deep love for this sweet little town. I think that, it’s a little bit ok, that sometimes I really want to the shower to work, or I want to be able to wash my clothes (did I just say that?!). I think it’s ok, that sometimes I really don’t want to sleep under my mosquito net (don’t worry, I always do), or sometimes I’d really love to simply go for a walk by myself to nowhere in particular.

As I look back, on the first time I ever came to Masii in 2009, its funny how there are struggles and experiences I simply don’t even remember.  My most vivid memory from our first trip here, is meeting Faith. I remember that she ran up to me, and instantly we were infatuated with each other, and from that point on, the only thing I remember from that trip is yearning for the next moment that I could sing, dance, and play with little girl who quickly became my very best friend.

Our second trip to Masii, 2011, was different because I longed for two years to come back here. I thought about Faith and the people here, mostly every single day. As I look back as this trip, it was special because I met Maggie (later to become Pastor William’s wife), I was introduced to Ellen (the principal of the school I now teach at), and I got to see Faith again and hold true to my promise that I would come back. 

My third trip to Masii was last summer when I came for three months by myself. This was an incredible thing because this is when this place became my home. This is the place where I can SEE the face of Jesus in every single person, the place where I am welcomed with open arms, and I always long to be back here. Last summer, my eyes were opened to the poverty, heartache, and death that happens here every single day (sometimes its harder to spot when you are here for a short time).

This time, it all feels very different. As much as this place is and always will be my home, things are different, I am different. Over this past year, I have grown into this person who has learned to forgive, how to truly GIVE things to Jesus, how to see the good in the midst of hard, and how see things for what they are and not what I think they are. This time I am really trying to conscious of those around me, of those who are hurting, those who may say they are ok but aren’t, those who are giving me something when they have nothing, those who took all of their courage to greet me, those who remember my name even though I may not remember theirs. This sounds like a funny thing, but something that has hit me like a brick wall every day that I have been here is the loud voice of the Lord reminding me that ITS NOT ABOUT ME. It’s not about me being comfortable, or happy. I didn’t come all the way here so that I could sit in my comfortable room, with a fan, a comfy bed, a bathroom, and people who will willing clean my room for me, yet these things are given to me no matter how much I protest. But I am learning that these things are normal for me, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be any less thankful for them. I am not entitled to anything, not a thing. I am here to give and to serve, and I fail at that a lot but that doesn’t mean I don’t keep trying and doing. 

As much as the idea of possibly waking up again tomorrow and having no water, is a bit daunting, I remember that the whole freaking town of Masii doesn’t have water either! I am not the lonely sacrificing “missionary” “Mzungu” that is being punished and doesn’t have water. I am living with and among the people here and having no water tends to not be such a problem. 

As I go to sleep tonight, I will shut my window, make sure the door is locked, shut the curtains, close the bathroom door (so that mosquitoes don’t come in through the bathroom window), I will put on my pajamas, think about what I’ll wear tomorrow and give up cause I’m too tired, I will clear off my bed of my computer, books, nook, and water bottle, and I pull my mosquito net to cover my whole bed, and I will fall asleep trying not to think about the noises that surround me. I will pretend like I can’t hear that mosquito buzzing around in my room or the loud donkey outside, or even if I really don’t think about either of those things, but how quiet it really is. 

And once again, I will wake up and say YES to this adventure and joyfully turn the knob of the shower, praying that no matter what the outcome, that I may find JOY in Jesus and the people that I may come into contact with.