happy 22nd birthday to me

happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday to Emily
happy birthday to you.
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Over this past weekend I was sang this song twice in person, twice over the phone and once over a text message. "Happy birthday"...what an interesting idea. Shouldn't I already be happy? I lived through another year of life, got to life out my hearts' biggest desire and live in Africa for three months, and on and on and on. I could sit here and name every single thing that I was blessed by and am happy for as I turn 22 and reflect on my 21st year of life.

Birthdays have always, I MEAN always, been a HUGE deal in the Hoverson House, we have ALWAYS had some sort of birthday party and always a birthday blessing. This past weekend I spent the weekend with my grandma, we had a wonderful time and I really enjoyed it. Today, on my actual birthday, I drove home, I raced home because I wanted to watch two shows on tv tonight. As I drove home, I thought alot about my life and mostly about Africa (as always). I am grateful to have spent 3 months there and do exactly what the Lords called me to.

As I sat in my car, in traffic, so tired and so exhausted, I begin to cry. This birthday has been SO weird, my birthday has always been a big deal for me, its the one day out of the year where I feel like everyone is nice to be and everyone "hopes I have a great day". But today, I felt sadden as wonderful and blessed I am to have spent it with my family, there are only school full of children I would give my left arm to spend not only my birthday but my every single day with them.

Today was a rough day for me, well mostly just because of the idea that I blew out 3 candles (one on three separate desserts I had) and I think it's safe to say we all know what I wished. Through that though I think its also safe to say that even if I didnt wish it on my birthday candles it will still happen.

Today I turned 22 years old and realized that every single day when I wake up I want to be back in Masii and I never ever want to leave and I realized that I have been expecting for that feeling to lessen as I spend more time here in the US, oh how I am quit wrong about that. Its not so much a feeling as a fact, I miss my home and there isnt a day that goes by that will make it feel less than that, rather it will only make it stronger.

home.

“The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.” ―Maya Angelou

I have waited 21 years to find my home 
to find the place where things make sense to me
the place where love is seen in the eyes of everyone I see
the place where where children are too beautiful for words
the place where people love you simply because you love them
the place where greetings are not only expected but deeply desired 
the place where singing and dancing is 100% a constant form of worship happening, constantly
the place where my heart find true and simply joy
the place where even though I am a different skin color I feel more comfortable than ever before
the place where happiness and joy are felt from the moment I step outside
the place where I find comfort and safety just from the beauty of the clouds

I have waited 21 years to find my home, the place where my heart is at rest. 

Finally I have found that place, I have found my home. 
..........
I have moved around alot and have had too many friendship end for reasons I dont even understand, I have always felt the sting of loniless and always feeling like a stranger no matter where I was.
Now I honestly feel like it even more now that I have found the place my heart longs for constantly.

Every single morning I wake up and my heart feels like its in the bottom of my stomach, I feel as though I am going to be sick with this longing feeling of missing my family, friends, and students in Masii. Some days I just want to lie in bed and just cry because I want to be there and not here. I then begin to feel guilty about not wanting to be here, so then I get in my car to go for a drive and my Africa Childrens Choir cd blasts through the speakers, and then I remember I have no reason to feel guilty Masii is where my heart is, and its never leaving. 

Masii is my home, it is where my heart is at peace and my mind is at rest. I do not feel anxious but joy, I do not feel fear but happiness. I have seen the poorest of the poor, the most hungry, the sick and the dying and they all live and breathe in the place I call home. Recently I was hit by this incredible thought, I dont want to be in Heaven without my Masii family....
I guess I have some stuff to share with some people ;)

pictures.

here is a post just for pictures.

Meet ALL my students! (preschool, second, and third!)

3 weeks

It's August 30, 2012 I have been home for three weeks, I honestly don't know how I got to this point. In the last 3 weeks I  have gone to Oakhurst on a family vacation, started school, and began looking for a job. I spend some time each day looking through my pictures and thinking about the family that  I left behind. 

As my heart yearns to remember the warmth of hugs from my munchkins, to stand in front of a class of happy little students, to walk everywhere with my feet covered in dirt, to spend time with people who have learned what it means to cherish and love one another. 

As I sit here after being away from Masi for 3 weeks and one day, I see that spending 3 months in Kenya was the most amazing  thing that will ever happen in my whole life. I got to spend 3 months doing what I was born to do, to teach children, to spend time with fellow teachers, to make new friends and new family. I am overly abundantly blessed to have been able to live out the beginning of my calling before I even finish college. 

 ...................................

What does it mean to say "this is my home"?

does it simply mean where our birth family lives?

does it mean our current address?

does it mean where you want to be?

does it mean to be around people you love?

does it mean a building with four walls and a roof?

or maybe websters dictionary definitions "one's place of residence, the social unit formed by a family living together"?

....................................

I have learned exactly what home means while living for 3 months away for every kind of normal I have ever known.  

Home is the place where you feet move to see more, your heart is sewn so tightly to the hearts of others there, your mind forgets what your life was like before you got there, and your soul yearns to stay forever. 

That's what home means to me. 

That's Masii means to me. 

A place where my feet are always going on to the next thing, where my heart is constantly being sewn into the hearts of the people there, where my mind can't remember my life before while I am there, and my soul (my whole being) never wants to leave. 

................................... 

my heart will always belong there. 

always.  

my adventure on my way back to california

Well as many of you already know I had quite an event time coming home. I left Masii on August 8, at about 10 am, I left early because there were a few stops that needed to be made before arriving at the airport. We made our way, and as we drove down the street to make our way out of Masii, I am torn, I have been sick for 3 weeks so my body is ready to go home and rest but my heart aches, I know that once I get on that plane I will land in a place where never feel as much as home at being here. We drive to Machakos and go to the Mulei supermarket so I can buy some tea for my mom. We make our way to Nairobi and as time passes we go to a "souvenir" store and then eat lunch at the airport. 

As I look over my itenerary, I realize that it says that I have a 10 HOUR layover in Dubai. (for those of you that dont know, I did love staying in Dubai for a day but I hate the Dubai airport)

Is this a joke? 
Aye this is no fun.

I then said goodbye to Paul and Elizabeth who took me to the airport and I went and checked into the airport. (The airport in Nairobi is different, right when you enter the door of the airport, you walk into security and then you check in at the desk) As I check, in the lady at the desk tells me that there is a delay with my flight and they have no idea when my plane will leave. She then asked if I still wanted to check in....

well duh, what else am I going to do? 
leave?
oh I wish! 

I reply, yes I would still like to check in. Thank you. I am nervous as I lift my very heavy bags onto the scale, I scream with joy (literally) as she tells me that they are under 50 lbs. 

THANK YOU JESUS!

It is now about 2:30 pm and my flight is supposed to leave at 4:40pm. I am fully aware that I only have to wait around the airport for 2 more hours. I am worried that I wont find my gate, so I find my gate (gate #9), I find a seat to sit in, pull out my nook and begin to read a book. It is taking everything in me NOT to think about the idea of leaving Kenya and going back to California. I know that if I were to think about this while sitting in the airport I would completely fall apart right here. Well around 3:15, I walk down to where they have the flight schedule and I check my flight......

 .....
I stop, dead in my tracks
......


W
H
A
T
?
This flight plans says that my plane is not leaving until 10:30 pm tonight....
This is a joke right?! 
Oh my Lord. Every part of my being wants to cry, I already feel sick, hungry and exhausted and I haven't even boarded my plane yet. 


I call my mom, even though its 5 in the morning. I want to jump on any plane or I want to get in a car and go back to Masii. I spend the next 6 hours reading, listening to music, walking around, and wanting to be anywhere but this airport. (note in these 6 hours the number of the gate I was leaving from changed 4 times....stressful? yeah!)

IT IS FINALLY 10:30. We funnel past the gate and there are twice as many people as there should be! We realize that there are two flights leaving for Dubai at the same time. Now all the passengers are flipping out and mad and grumpy. Well needless to say that there are too many people, in too small of space, and our flight was not going to leave even near on time.

Finally, we get on the airplane, and we smoothly arrive to Dubai where I only had to have a 2 hour layover.  I find a very comfortable chair and fall completely asleep until 30 minutes before my flight. I board the plane, not fully ready to admit that I am riding on an aircraft for 22 hours... 

After 22 hours of lots of turbulence, screaming babies, no bathroom breaks, and disgusting airplane food, I finally stepped off the airplane and got through customs and FINALLY found my bags (which took almost an hour). 

As I venture my way out to the greeting area, I see my mom, I leave my cart of bags and run to my mom. I burst into tears. My heart is happy to see my dear family. Mom, Dad, Caleb, Sarah, Grandma, and Grandpa are all there and as I see them, they begin to sing a song about me coming home. :) 

(read the next post to see what the next 2 weeks have been)

goodbye (2)

 As I sit here at the end of my last full day here in Masii, I am broken. I miss my family (in America) so much yet my heart aches knowing that after just a week (if that) I will long to be back in this place that I now call home. Today I visited a few Tumaini kids (who they were will be a surprise!), I went to the wood carving place, I had lunch at Mama Keziah's house (SO GOOD!), then Elizabeth (from T.I.O) helped me pack (thankfully we finished in an hour), then I went to Shammah to say bye to Mary, then I went and bought sweets and soda, I went and said bye to Faith and Mary (SO HARD to say goodbye!), then I went to say goodbye to Caleb and Annett (this was also SO very hard!), and then I went to Pastor and Maggy's house and had some dinner and said goodbye. I am sad to say that tomorrow I am leaving. As I go to sleep I long for more days here and for more hours available in each day. I am confident I will come back, I know that the Lord has placed my heart here for a reason. I love every moment I have been here and I am thankful for the old friends I got to reconnect with and the many new people that I have now fallen in love with.

 

These goodbyes were hard. 

:(