happy 22nd birthday to me

happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday to Emily
happy birthday to you.
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Over this past weekend I was sang this song twice in person, twice over the phone and once over a text message. "Happy birthday"...what an interesting idea. Shouldn't I already be happy? I lived through another year of life, got to life out my hearts' biggest desire and live in Africa for three months, and on and on and on. I could sit here and name every single thing that I was blessed by and am happy for as I turn 22 and reflect on my 21st year of life.

Birthdays have always, I MEAN always, been a HUGE deal in the Hoverson House, we have ALWAYS had some sort of birthday party and always a birthday blessing. This past weekend I spent the weekend with my grandma, we had a wonderful time and I really enjoyed it. Today, on my actual birthday, I drove home, I raced home because I wanted to watch two shows on tv tonight. As I drove home, I thought alot about my life and mostly about Africa (as always). I am grateful to have spent 3 months there and do exactly what the Lords called me to.

As I sat in my car, in traffic, so tired and so exhausted, I begin to cry. This birthday has been SO weird, my birthday has always been a big deal for me, its the one day out of the year where I feel like everyone is nice to be and everyone "hopes I have a great day". But today, I felt sadden as wonderful and blessed I am to have spent it with my family, there are only school full of children I would give my left arm to spend not only my birthday but my every single day with them.

Today was a rough day for me, well mostly just because of the idea that I blew out 3 candles (one on three separate desserts I had) and I think it's safe to say we all know what I wished. Through that though I think its also safe to say that even if I didnt wish it on my birthday candles it will still happen.

Today I turned 22 years old and realized that every single day when I wake up I want to be back in Masii and I never ever want to leave and I realized that I have been expecting for that feeling to lessen as I spend more time here in the US, oh how I am quit wrong about that. Its not so much a feeling as a fact, I miss my home and there isnt a day that goes by that will make it feel less than that, rather it will only make it stronger.

home.

“The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.” ―Maya Angelou

I have waited 21 years to find my home 
to find the place where things make sense to me
the place where love is seen in the eyes of everyone I see
the place where where children are too beautiful for words
the place where people love you simply because you love them
the place where greetings are not only expected but deeply desired 
the place where singing and dancing is 100% a constant form of worship happening, constantly
the place where my heart find true and simply joy
the place where even though I am a different skin color I feel more comfortable than ever before
the place where happiness and joy are felt from the moment I step outside
the place where I find comfort and safety just from the beauty of the clouds

I have waited 21 years to find my home, the place where my heart is at rest. 

Finally I have found that place, I have found my home. 
..........
I have moved around alot and have had too many friendship end for reasons I dont even understand, I have always felt the sting of loniless and always feeling like a stranger no matter where I was.
Now I honestly feel like it even more now that I have found the place my heart longs for constantly.

Every single morning I wake up and my heart feels like its in the bottom of my stomach, I feel as though I am going to be sick with this longing feeling of missing my family, friends, and students in Masii. Some days I just want to lie in bed and just cry because I want to be there and not here. I then begin to feel guilty about not wanting to be here, so then I get in my car to go for a drive and my Africa Childrens Choir cd blasts through the speakers, and then I remember I have no reason to feel guilty Masii is where my heart is, and its never leaving. 

Masii is my home, it is where my heart is at peace and my mind is at rest. I do not feel anxious but joy, I do not feel fear but happiness. I have seen the poorest of the poor, the most hungry, the sick and the dying and they all live and breathe in the place I call home. Recently I was hit by this incredible thought, I dont want to be in Heaven without my Masii family....
I guess I have some stuff to share with some people ;)