stickers

I walk into the classroom and all they want is stickers, that's it.
I give them stickers for doing their work, for doing something I asked them to do, and for any other things that I think are extraordinary. Today I even said "I am the teacher, so I will decide when and why you get a sticker." (too rough?!)
I grade their homework, and quickly put a sticker on it.
They laugh with which one I have chosen.
(I let the third graders pick the sticker they want, but I have decided that it's too overwhelming for my second graders, they can't decide!)
They ask me for more, knowing that if they ask enough I will probably just give them one, but I have realized that I still have 5 more weeks and I am running out so I decided to be more strict (if you know me, and how I am with kids, you know that this never works!).
I feel bombarded as they step on my toes and shirt to make sure they get one, its the end of the day so I just give them away. I want to hug and kiss all of these students, even as they bring me to tears by making me feel overwhelmed.
These children have become an avenue in which Jesus speaks SO clearly to me through them. It's incredible to stand there and stare into the eyes of these children who have sadly become the "least of these" yet somehow are the easiest munchkins in the whole world to love. As they jump up and down, for a sticker that wont stay sticky enough for them to make it all the way home. I am stunned at their assurance that I wont get mad, or how they don't really care what else is happening they just want touch and hold that sticker, the stickers that their mzungu teacher brought from the "super hero country". Many of them take the stickers our of their workbook, and stick them on something more permanent (they just throw away [burn them] their workbooks when they have used the last page). Some students, I have given the paper that the stickers come on, and some are filled! They show me joyously, and I try to recall handing out THAT many!
Jesus came so that we may have a PERSONAL relationship with Him. He desires us to just spend time with Him, for us to just squeal with excitement as we desire to hold His hand and receive His blessings (in my case, some shiny stickers). You know that longing in your heart? The one that says that something is missing? The longing that, makes you watch romantic movies only to end in bitter tears because thats something you want?! I know where you can get it. I know why you have that longing and why you feel like something is missing. It's Jesus. We can go to church and say we are Christians until eternity but what about the longing? what about the longing you feel to feel like you belong and that you are important?
I have done nothing for these kids but make sure they know that they are love, cherished, honored, and important. When they hug me, I hug back, when they talk, I look into their eyes, even if I dont understand, if they tug on my skirt, I pick them up.
Jesus DIED so that we would know we are important. We cannot live our lives in a way that every moment is lived by someone who is UNimportant. He died so you would know that you are worth it! Step out into your day and into your life and know that whether you want some stickers, or the aching in your heart to go away, Jesus came so you can have it all and feel worthy of it!

exhausted.

I love Tuesdays and Thursdays. I LOVE going to school SO much. I know that whenever I go to school, I will definitely be exhausted for the rest of the night, I give it all 10000% my all while I am at school, I run around, and tickle and laugh as much as physically possible between the hours of 8 am and 5 pm. Today was different though, I CAME to school completely exhausted. I have not slept very well the last three days, I have only got 5 or less hours of sleep every night since Friday (it is now Tuesday). Yes, 5 hours is a lot, but not when you are going going going where you are stretched every single second of every day, and now I am on my 6^th week. I feel completely drained, but I get up, get dressed, and walk to school. As I walk to school, I pray to God almost in tears begging Him for an overflow of supernatural energy and joy today. As I approach school, I hear the bell ring and the morning assembly has begun. I stand in my usual spot where the little ones can’t see me, as so I am not a distraction. Mrs. Anastasia Musembi (the nursery teacher) comes to me and greets me, tells me I look “smart” and asks me about my weekend, I do the same to her. She begins to tell me that the cook will not be here today, because she is sick with malaria. I am shocked! She proceeds to share with me that all the teachers will help with the cooking and cleaning today, she tells me that I will teach more independently today as the other teachers will be very busy. Just the very thought of that makes me more exhausted. She turns to leave and tells me that Annet shared with her that Caleb (the son of the woman she lives with) hits her on the way home and when they get home he is very mean, without hesitating I offer to walk them home. The assembly is over and I wait for Lovely to see me, and run as fast as she possibly can and leaps into my arms, as she does every time I am at school. I say “Mambo”, she giggles and replies “Poa”. I squeeze her tight, comforted by her laugh and messy face. I put her down and walk to the third grade class, my first lesson of the day. I am excited, I LOVE this class, and they are so smart and giggly and willing to learn all the time! I peek my head into the classroom and make a silly face, every single student makes a silly face back to me, I laugh, enter and say Good morning.  Thankful that today I get to spend my first period with these kids, the teacher shows me what I should teach them for math today, its adding big numbers and the art of “carrying”. I let out a light laugh, already knowing that they will know how to do this perfectly. We our lesson, I go to second grade class, do the lesson, then have a break with some chai! Today, I am thankful for this chai, hoping that maybe joy may come from this small cup of heavenly nectar. I then continue my normal routine, and finally end up at the nursery class for the hour before lunch. This class is wonderful, challenging, and great. I always have a harder time in this class but I cherish the things I am learning. I suddenly realize that the teacher of this class will not be in here for the next hour because she is cooking lunch. I am horrified. I am supposed to teach these kids and control them when they don’t understand what I am saying?! This overwhelms me and becomes almost too much. First I play with them, letting them jump on me and get tickled and laugh a lot. I like this part because this is the only way I know how to communicate with them. Then I realize that we need to get on with our lesson and learning. I stand up and begin to do math, only to realize that they are all standing behind me not sitting in their seats. I ask them to sit in their seats, stupid right?! How could they possibly understand what I am asking of them? The pitter patter of feet catches my attention, I see an older girl run by the classroom, I step outside and motion for her to come here. I ask her to tell them to sit down. She does and I am so thankful (I give her a sticker as a reward)! We being our lesson and then begins the chaos. I cannot control the chaos that surrounds my every being as I am mortified as I cannot control a single student in this classroom, I step outside and go to the head teachers office and ask him to calm my class down. He does so and I am so thankful! I rip out some coloring sheets and pour some crayons on the tables. Thankful to have a little break of noise as they quietly color, their Precious Moments coloring pages. I sit down, remembering how truly exhausted I was before I got here, now feeling it even more than before. Sitting there wondering how I am not falling asleep from the lack of sleep the last few days, I suddenly hear Annet “The B-I-B-L-E, yes that’s the book for me, I stand alone on the word of God, The B-I-B-L-E”. I look up and smile, I just taught her that and she already knows the entire thing with only a few mistakes, like saying will instead of word (but it works too so I don’t correct her)! I am so proud. I am reminded of God’s faithful even when I feel like I am at the edge of my rope. I am reminded that I was came here to step into what I am called to. I stand up and write the words to the song on the board, and my class continues to sing with me. Again, at this moment I am thankful for the voice of children who worship Jesus. It is finally lunch time, I go to the “kitchen” and help Mrs. Musembi serve lunch, I love this part of the day, I truly feel like I am helping the other teachers and serving the students. I am humbled as I realize I haven’t seen any of the other teachers today, they are all in the kitchen, helping, cooking, cleaning and serving, without complaining or whining. I am humbled. I step into the kitchen ready to serve, only to realize that unlike every other day, the food is not ready. I am surprised, surprised that no one is complaining that the food isn’t ready on time, and no one is waiting at the door like they do when they know the food is ready, they are just playing with each other and waiting patiently. Finally the food is and we all the children get fed. The lunch break is still the same amount of time and everyone eats and gets ready for class to start again. I go back into the 3^rd grade class and teach science (the ways of transporting water), it went smoothly and it was fun, we played pictionary! I then went into the second grade class, knowing full well that this class for the third time today would be close to horrible while I was here at the brink of my exhaustion. I know that I needed to give these kids my all, they deserve it. I began to teach English (sentences with missing words), they begin to get out of control and don’t want learn English anymore, they just want stickers and to draw on the chalkboard. I want to run out of the classroom and cry. I just wanted to end things smoothly today. I finished my lesson and gave them work to do, knowing full well the ruckus that would happen as I begin to grade papers and reward them with a sticker. I sit on the floor in the front of the class, knowing that they would bring their work to me, as quick as possible. They all finish and all want stickers, I begin to be bombared and feel claustrophobic as all 10 students crowd over me at once. I slowly put my head in my hands, an older girl sees the commotion in the classroom and comes and tells them to sit down. “Teacher Mwende, they are out of control” she says. I really want to say “no kidding” but I hold my tongue. I calmly get up and the bells rings, I tell them that they can go out for games. They excitedly run outside. I just sit there, almost not being able to stand up, wanting to leave right then and go to sleep. I suddenly remember that I promised to take Caleb and Annet home, which means I cannot leave until 5, I look at my phone, its only 3:10. I close my eyes, wanting to burst into tears from exhaustion. I wander outside, and find somewhere to stand, as to not look too tired to everyone else but feeling like my heart was replaced by a rock. I begin to play catch using a deflated mini soccer ball with some of the younger children, thankful that this won’t make me more tired, I play along. I play for a while, and then I see Annet and sit down with her as she begins to practice her counting by counting all of my bug bites (this happens at least 3 times in a single school day).  She counts up to 100, counting not only my bug bites but my freckles and scars too, not wanting to correct her because WHAT she is counting is not the point, it’s that she is learning to count. She sits in my lap and plays with my hands; I remember the conversation I had with her teacher earlier about her being bullied by her “brother”. I am saddened and hug her tight; she laughs and begins to sing “The B-I-B-L-E” again. I sing along and she is elated! It is soon, thankfully, 4:45 which means I can get up and get ready to leave. I sigh a breathe of relief, thankful that I can walk them home and sit down for a while. I skip home with Caleb and Annet and some other children. I am thankful for these children, I see joy in them. I remember why I am here and why I have a heart for children. I sit here, after this day writing about this day and recognize that even through my exhaustion I am reminded of God’s joyfulness as he walks us home and sees us laugh. 

As I tell this story, it is not to complain but to explain that yes I am being pushed to the brink of exhaustion. Even on the days that I spend with children (the whole reason I came!), I am in my element but still out of the normal for my life at home. Jesus is good to us, the least I can do is spend my life being pushed the brink of my exhaustion every single day. He is the reason that I am here, He is the reason that I am doing this, He is the only who has called me out of darkness and into His light. 

leap

I laugh.

They giggle.

I pick them up.

They hang on tight.

I squeeze tight.

They squeeze tighter.

I kiss their forehead.

They trace the lines on my face.

I hold their hands and kiss them.

They play with my hair.
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If you have ever been to Kenya, Africa; you know what it’s like to hear “mzungu” every time you step outside, like a soothing chorus that never ends. You may also know what it feels like to kiss the hands of Jesus’ most precious children. 

Before we came for the first time in the summer of 2009, we were told that here they see white people at “better” and “richer”, and that many would desire to touch us so that our “whiteness” would “rub off” onto them. 

The first time I was bombarded and smothered by children screaming and pulling on my arms and clothes, honestly I was a little overwhelmed. I wasn’t sure how to take it all in. Is it even possible to take something like that in?

The answer? No, it’s impossible to take it all in. 

I have officially spent (about) 71 days (give or take a few) total here since that very first day in Masii. And I can definitively answer that with a no, it’s impossible to get used to it. YES, it IS the most amazing feeling in the whole world. When a child who isn’t the same color as you, and doesn’t speak the same language, sees you and run as fast their little legs can run and leap into your arms, no you don’t get used to it and yes it’s the most joyful feeling in the world. 

Every Tuesday and Thursday, I enter the compound of school around 7:55 am, always nervous but always excited about what the day will hold. As I enter, the children are praying or singing a beautiful hymn for their daily morning assembly. I am elated, I love this part, they don’t know I am there, and they sing loud and pray with all their might. Then they are dismissed, I smile because I cannot wait for what comes next. Some go to the bathroom, some see me, and run towards me, (most the preschoolers) run straight into me (almost knocking me over), pulling on my skirt, fingers, arms, screaming “Teacher Mwende, Teacher Mwende”. I close my eyes for a split second, taking it all in, realizing this is a moment, I CANNOT take for granted. I open my eyes and say “Mambo” and they scream “Poa” as loud as they can. I laugh and they laugh louder.

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 Matthew 9:20-22 – And, behold, a woman, which was diseased with an issue of blood twelve years, came behind him, and touched the hem of his garment: For she said within herself, If I may but touch his garment, I shall be whole. But Jesus turned him about, and when he saw her, he said, Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole. And the woman was made whole from that hour.

_____________________________________________________

These children (at school) know that I will NOT push them away when they run to me. They know that when they run to me, I will scoop them up, and tickle them until they are squirming too much for me to hold them any longer. 

We need to truly believe that Jesus will NEVER push us away when we run to Him.

Jesus has called us into His grace, ushered us into His mercy, and blanketed us in His love. He desires us to be the diseased woman who had enough faith that she knew that all she needed to do was touch the hem of his cloak. He desires us to live that faith out in our lives every single day. He desires us to open our eyes every morning and seek His face and have faith to know that we can be HEALED by simply touching the hem of this cloak. He can (and already has) healed us from sin and brokenness. We need to ask for it, He knows we need it but when sin entered the world, so did free choice and asking for healing is something we need to choose. We need to be willing to get on our knees and beg for the holiness of God to heal our iniquities every day. 

We need to have faith that by simply touching the hem of his cloak, that that is enough power of the most horrific diseases. Jesus died so that we may live, but the only way we can live is through Him. Our necessities in life are shelter, food, and water. The bible says (shelter-Psalm 91:1), (food and water-John 6:35).

If Jesus is clearly all we need to live, why are we attempting to “touch-the-cloak” of things that we think can heal us, when really they don’t even have a hem of a cloak to touch. (That’s supposed to be poetic but really I don’t think it makes sense) 

Our God is good. 

We need to step into holiness and recognize that we are only as broken as long as we allow ourselves to be, until we can admit that we need the Lord of all Lords to capture our heart and hold us close and to heal our brokenness.

So like these children, we need to be unafraid and abandon all feelings as you leap into the arms of Jesus. Like me with these children, He desires to hold you close, and make you laugh, it brings Him great joy to see you be joyful in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:16).

Why fret, when we serve a God who heals because of our faith to simply touch the hem of His cloak?

(*note* I am not saying I am Jesus, I just got a VERY clear picture of running into the arms of Jesus as I picked up, cuddled, and loved on my students at Masii Academy today)
_______________________________________________________

I laugh.

They giggle.

I pick them up.

They hang on tight.

I squeeze tight.

They squeeze tighter.

I kiss their forehead.

They trace the lines on my face.

I hold their hands and kiss them.

They play with my hair.

I can’t help but take it in as I realize, this CANNOT be a moment I want to take for granted.

Loving your neighbor.

As she sat there I could not believe that words she was saying.

Maggie was telling me a story about a pastor’s daughter (I think) and about how she went from here to the US to go to school. She was telling me about this girl died and no one knew for a few weeks, before they smelt her rotting corpse. She proceeded to ask me about how we love our neighbor, in the US.

Ouch.

At first I was mortified, then embarrassed, then mad.

How could this happen?

………………………………………………………………………………………….

Living here I am learning what it truly looks like to LOVE your neighbor, both the literal and figurative neighbor. Is it possible to live in a world where we don’t even know how neighbors? Sadly the answer is a resounding yes! In the past few days I have been seeing what it looks like to love the person next to you and the person across town.

Let’s break this down before we get too far ahead of ourselves.

What is love?

According to dictionary.com, Love is “a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person”.

We have the most perfect example of love…Jesus.

So you are telling me I have to die for my neighbor…..

Well, yes. Well at least the willingness to do so.

That’s crazy.

That’s the point right? Jesus was pretty crazy, in a good way obviously! Jesus was the perfect example of love, joy, peace, patience kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Jesus is perfect, no we do not need to BE Jesus (I think He has that covered) but we do need to imitate Him. “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children” Ephesians 5:1. He created us to worship Him, and that is the very least we should do.  We need to create space, where loving our neighbor is an instinct not a chore.

Jesus died so that we may have LIFE in Him. I mean. Do you really want to get to the end of your life and regretting not loving those around you more?

We live abundant lives in the US, but here in Masii, they UNDERSTAND that there is grace when the water doesn’t work and they can’t wash clothes for a week, the water is out in the whole town!! There is grace when you go to a function expecting to speak and end up being “replaced” by someone else, THAT’S LIFE! There is grace when the kids upstairs are jumping up and down and it sounds like an earthquake, THEY ARE KIDS and have been in school all day! There is grace when people decide to just show up at your house, THEY ARE MY NEIGHBORS!

Here is Masii, I have learned, or rather I AM LEARNING (in the process, it’s not over!), what it means to love someone. There is SO much need here; so many people go to sleep without eating (literally), its winter here and so many go to bed freezing, so many go to sleep feeling hopeless without Jesus, and many walk around wearing only one pair of clothes. My selfish mind thinks; if I did not have anything, I don’t think I could even think about my neighbor.

I have no idea if any of this is making sense.

But I DO know that somehow we, I, need to change the way I think about so many things. I need to learn to love the person next to me, whether they are physically or just emotionally next to me, or if I know them or not! It shouldn’t matter.

But once again, what does loving my neighbor look like? 

We have heard it our whole lives, "love your neighbor as yourself" "love your enemies and your neighbors". I have always thought, I know my next door neighbors, they are SO nice and I am nice to them. Did I ever stop and pray for them? Did I ever give them things they needed? Did I ever love them in a way the exemplified Christ? I think not.

What if we looked at our neighbors in light of desiring to see them in Heaven with us, or doing for them out of a heart of giving without expecting, or thinking about their needs before your own. What if we took what we have and gave it to our neighbor that was needy?

I am living in a place where EVERYONE gives out of the desire to see others LIVE rather than to give out of “hey-everyone-look-at-me-I-am-giving”, and giving out of abundance doesn’t count. Sorry. (Remember the widow with two copper coins? Mark 12:41-44 “Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents. Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”)

Every week at church (MCC), I watch people give their offering (they do it differently, everyone walks to the front and puts it in a basket), I watch people give out of a desire to please the Lord with everything they have, sometimes it really IS all they have.

I have no idea if this is all making sense, I was talking about loving your neighbor and now about giving but it all goes together, I promise! What if we GAVE our NEIGHBORS what they need from what WE have so much of (EVERYTHING).

Jesus gave literally everything He had (himself), knowing full well that so many of the people He was dying for would deny Him, He rejoiced in knowing that so many would love Him! What if we did that? Expected nothing in return and gave all we were asked (by the Lord).

I wish I had a good closing statement but I don’t. (I am definitely a teacher, not a writer!)

But Jesus gave all so we could live, He gave all so we could live our lives abundantly and to the fullest, but I am pretty sure He wanted it to be about abundantly and fully loving others as we have been loved by Him. What if tomorrow you woke up, and spent all day thinking and loving others, rather than ourselves? 

“Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” Luke 6:36

 “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

We can make typography about it all day but if we don’t live it, then what ARE we doing?

(this post is a little harsh, I am so sorry!)

God is good even when we are not. Thankful for a loving Savior who has given me grace when I do not extend grace to other, as they deserve (deserve, not because of anything they do but because JESUS LOVES THEM. simple)

speechless

Today (yesterday, actually. 6-13-2012) was incredible and very hard for me at the same time. It was Wednesday so it was my day to work with Pastor William (dad) and Maggie (mom) at Masii Christian Chapel. On Tuesday night, the day before I was to be with them, I was at their house having some chai (YUM!) and they shared with me what we would be doing and that night I went to sleep in anticipation of what would come. Little did I know how humbling the next day would be.  I got up, got ready, there was no water so I could not take a shower, which is fine I had just taken one on Tuesday morning, I got all ready and all dressed and went on the internet a little and waited for them to call me to tell me to come to the office. (I am getting used to Kenya time, like when someone says be ready by 8, you probably won’t be leaving until about 10:00) Maggie called me at about 9 and told me I could come to the office and we could wait for Pastor because he was still in an elders meeting. We waited an hour and Pastor came back, Maggie and I went and had some chai and chapatti before leaving. Pastor had called his friend that drives a taxi to take us so that we did not have to take the public transportation (Buana ah si fiwe!).  Finally we left, and I was filled with uncertainty and excitement. We drove in the car for about an hour or so, it was very bumpy and very dusty. We arrived at Janet’s house with food and some necessities and hearts ready to listen to what’s been happening in her life. 

Janet is blind, 25 years old, and mother to Annett (in my preschool class) and Victor (he is a month old). Janet has been blind for about 3 years, she became blind when Annett was 2, from something she got bit from when she was younger and it affected her later in life. She is funny, sweet, and could not stop asking about Annett. (The lady sitting there with us, is Janet’s Aunt Mwende, she lives with them and takes care of them) Annett does not live with Janet, it is a long story but in the end Annett lives with Mary, Joseph, and Caleb Kyengo they own Shammah Hotel (where I get my food), Pastor told Janet and Annett’s story in church a while ago and Mary was heartbroken and she took Annett in. (HOW INCREDIBLE IS THAT?!) So now Annett lives in the house above Pastor and Maggie (which I LOVE!) and she lives, sleep, eats, and plays there. Caleb (he is in my 2^nd grade class) treats her like his own sister and loves her all the same. Victor is the baby in these pictures; I did not even want to hold him because he is so little I thought I might break him! He is precious and beautiful. Meeting her was the most amazing part for me. I was a proud teacher who got to brag about her best student to that student’s mother! I loved meeting Janet; it was an experience I will never forget. 

Janet, Baby Victor, and Aunt Mwende, the bottom picture is the package we brought.

Then we got in the car and drove towards Masii, and turned off onto this road and drove for about 45 minutes. When we arrived I could not believe where I was. The sign at the gate said Wamunyu School for the Mentally Disabled. I was told we were coming here but I could not believe my eyes. Is this real? In a country that some do not eat, some do not go to school, some do not have medical care, there is a place for children who need more help than most. It was the most breathtaking experience I will probably ever have. When we got there we got out of the car and walked to the office and we met the Headmaster Joseph M. Nzioka. He was very talkative and told us all about the school. The school began on October 21, 1990. He has been the Headmaster since 1995. It costs about KSH 18,000 for three terms plus medical care. There are 51 students, all boarders because it’s a boarding school.

This was incredible! Then we went outside and walked around each and every class. It was interesting to hear the teachers talk about the things these precious children just can’t do. I understand how so many people would just write them off, and not give them a chance. These teachers work so hard and are so patient. Then we walked around the dorms and that was different. The rooms are huge but the bunkbeds are so close together, in the center of the room. There is a girls dorm and a boys dorm, hilariously enough, the girl dorm is SO much cleaner and nicer. We then shook hands and laughed and played with the children. They are so precious and beautiful.  I am pretty sure they were completely terrified of me. I got to see Kora, she is a girl with hydorsyphelis that we met the first time we came. I just found out that she was completely sponsored as of three days ago, she has two sponsors because the medical bills are so high, PRAISE GOD! Kora is precious and she is so smart! We then went and sat in the headmasters office and drank some orange Fanta (my favorite) and mendazi’s. It was humbling that they would give when they had so little. It was neat to talk about what we had seen.

cutie!

the old and the new school classrooms

they have a huge papaya field that they teach the children how to do vocational work

Kora!

"mum" and "dad" giving out candy! (I LOVE THIS PICTURE)

Then I met Vicki (earlier that morning I had paid to get some food and other things for her, not knowing who she was), she is a “street girl” (homeless girl) who was living on the streets of Masii (LITERALLY) and she would go to Pastors office and tell him about everything that was happening to her. They found a place for her at this school, she is not mentally disabled but she stays there with one of the teachers and she goes to a different school every day. (WOW!) She is SO smart! Pastor was asking her, her grades and scores on things and all of a sudden I see his jaw drop, and he told her she needs to be a doctor! It was amazing to see her smile and laugh, and thank us for bringin her food. She is incredible and so beautiful. 

Vicki and her "mom". The teacher who she lives with.

è 

Then we went outside and the children sang for us, it was heartbreaking to see that most children could not fully pronounce the words but tried with all their might. They sang so loudly and loved laughing. Then we passed our candy that we brought and they were elated! They were ecstatic. At one point a little boy began to choke, I got frightened and one of the teachers (actually a member of MCC, Damaris) came over and started to hit his back to get it out, she began to laugh when she realized that he was SO excited about the candy he even ate the wrapper!

Today was too amazing for words. I am humbled by these teachers and by the hearts of these students. I am thankful to God that I was allowed to come and visit this beautiful school, with its even more beautiful students.  

Then on the way home, I got dropped off at church for worship practice (no I am not on the worship team), I wanted to say hi to Pastor Benja (big brother), I hadn’t see him in awhile (too long for living less than an hour away).  Afterwards, I went and sat and talked with my in country adopted mum and dad. We were supposed to go to bible study but instead, we all sat and talked together for about 4 hours, it was incredible. We talked about how the genealogy of Jesus is incredible; Jesus used “sinful, gross, dirty” women to bore the fathers of his bloodline. Jesus has always been about grace, he had it for his own ancestors before he was born! It was so special to sit and talk with them and learn about their hearts and their love for Jesus. It was a night and a conversation I shall never forget. 

(I took a total of 112 pictures today! I tried to just pick my favorites)

While I am here I have been reading Jesus Calling by Sarah Young (if you don’t have, it GET IT RIGHT NOW!! This book changed my life!), I just read yesterday’s entry and I want to post it because it is so perfect for how I am feeling about what the Lord is doing in my heart. My mom always says “once you seen the face of Jesus you never want to get to a point where you don’t see him anymore.” I definitely feel like since I have now seen the simple true joy of Jesus, there is no way that I cannot see it every day of my life.

June 13

“I am creating something new in you; a bubbling spirit of Joy that spills over into others’ lives. Do not mistake this joy for your own or try to take credit for it in any way. Instead watch in delight as My Spirit flows through you to bless others. Let yourself become a reservoir of the Spirits fruit. Your part is to live close to Me, open to all that I am doing in you. Don’t try to control the streaming of My Spirit through you. Just keep focusing on Me as we walk through this day together. Enjoy My Presence, which permeates you with Love, Joy, and Peace.”

“The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sounds but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.” John 3:8

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness” Galatians 5:22

some things on my mind.

well, here it is, the blog post I wanted to avoid writing but I knew that the time would come.
I have been:
pulled
pushed
stretched
exhausted
overwhelmed
emotional
lonely
for the past few days.
really thats it.
I dont want to complain because I actually feel more at home here than ever before. I know that these feelings are just a reassurance of what the Lord has called me to.  I know that these are emotions of living in the reality of the calling and the dream.
This is what it truly feels like to be pulled and pushed into the will of God. It honestly feels horrible, until you step into the arms of Jesus and rest. I think it's funny because I can't count how many people (here in Masii and in the US) have told me how great it is that I said yes to what the Lord has called me to, or that I am SO brave, or that I am such a good Christian because I am listening to the Lord (whatever that means). YES it was easy, it might have been the easiest thing I have ever done, to say yes. But what has come since then has been the hard part. I never once doubted that the Lord would provide financially for me to come, He called me, why would He make money a hurdle too big to cross? The hardest part is waking up every single day, knowing that I will be challenged beyond I think what I can handle, and challenged more than I was the day before. And want to know something? There is NOT a single thing I would change since I have been here. Everything that has happened has been glorifying to the Lord in some way or another.
The past few days, I have really been thinking alot about the difference between life here and life in California, needless to say I think it may be safe to say its close to the opposite. I am learning that so many people I love (here) go to sleep without eating and wake up not sure if they will eat at all, I meet children who go to school smiling, yet knowing that their meal at school is the only one they will get all day. So where do I go from here? How does my heart not literally break from this heartache? At what point do you stop asking why me and not them? I see these people and then go back to my room and order my food which is then brought to me, and I MIGHT eat it all. Last Thursday, Friday and Saturday, I didnt eat anything, I ended up only having one piece of chipati on Saturday but that was it, I didnt eat simply because I wasn't hungry (DONT WORRY I AM OK!). Then it hits me, there are some of my friends who live less than 100 feet away, who have no choice but to not eat because there is no money for food. How do I go on and not just give up and go home? I recognize today at school that Maureen Mwende (a little girl in my second grade class), ate all her lunch without complaining, knowing that she HATES Ugali (thats what was for lunch), I asked her how her lunch was, she replied "Its good, Teacher Mwende".  Where did we get to this place that we arent grateful for the food we have? Our cupboards are overflowing with canned foods that we will never eat, our fridges are filled with vegetables we will only use half of and throw away, our freezers are filled with frozen food we dont know how long its been in there. When did food become something we simply want, rather than something to sustain us and make us to do what the Lord has called us to (whatever that may be). This isn't to guilt it's to realize that, we are not special because we live in a country where we can waste food, we are special because we have a living God who has called us FAVORED and HONORED in His sight. It's hard to believe, how much I have taken for granted.
Last Sunday at MCC during the youth service, we talked about faith, worry, and the fact that it is ok to ask for things from God. Faith, faith like a mustard seed not to worry?! I don't know but I do know that worry here, is like breathing yet no one shows it. I have learned that everyone says they are fine but there is so much pain. No the pain isnt a broken iphone, a slow internet connection, a non working phone, or someone hurt our feelings. Its bigger than that death, starvation, hurt, pain, loneliness, the things that can literally kill a person, not just make them have a bad day. It sounds harsh but it is true.
We cannot live our lives by what may come or go, we need to be thankful to the King of Kings for what we have and pray for blessings for those you have less. Being jealous or coveting others things, is a sin, so why not give more and take less? There is a reason why God created us in a way that all we need to live is food, water, shelter, and clothes. God is not complex, but he is simply. We have made him too complex with the things of this world.

It's incredible to sit and think about the places I have been, the people I know, that things I have done, and the continuous grace I receive from God.
God is SO GOOD. 

This blog post is all over the place, I apologize!
I wish I could write everything on here!

preschool

PRESCHOOL!

using the crayons I brought, i love this class!

WE LOVE COLORING

this is Annette she has a mother who is blind and she is also a Tumaini kid <3 and she is the SMARTEST student in the preschool.

lunch menu: Ugali and cabbage.

LUNCH LINE!

hi meet LOVELY <3

lunch lady!

EVERY single preschooler is ASLEEP!!

all done

I LOVE PRESCHOOL!

Today was a great day! (Tuesday!)

I decided to add some more things to my school day, so I officially help out in the preschool for two hours during my school day!

I LOVE IT!!

Its so incredible.

They are so cute and smart!

I also served the kids lunch today, which was incredible.

Then after school I played soccer with the little boys (the big boys and male teachers play with a bigger ball and a bigger game and leave out the little kids).

It was a wonderful day!

once again. I took ALOT of pictures today! 

(this post is a little late because my internet didnt work)

Kesha

(no, not the awful singer) 

Rather it was the an all night prayer and worship event at MCC (Friday, June 1, 2012 from 10pm-6am)

I wish that I could have videotaped the entire thing. 

It was literally the most incredible event I have ever witnessed. I stood there, speechless as maybe almost 30 people, worshiped with reckless abandonment to a God who gives them hope. It wasnt just that they worshiping, it was that their worship was genuine and ment for only their King to see. It was a time where they left 5 boys (between ages 9 and 12) run up on stage and dance their hearts out, with no one preventing them from doing so because everyone knew THIS was how those boy worship the Lord. (if you have never been to MCC and watched these boys dance they are INCREDIBLE!!) 

I walked outside and stood in the back for awhile and watched as every single person was singing and dancing like it was the only thing that mattered, it made me speechless and brought joyful tears to my eyes. 
I have never been in a room where the Holy Spirit was more present and moving in my whole life! It was so crazy!! 

The only thought I could even finished without being stunned was that THIS IS WHAT HEAVEN IS GOING TO LOOK LIKE! 

how incredible is that?! 

Here in Masii, Kenya, East Africa, there is a church that understands the Kingdom of God and what that means, they worship God in a way that only glorifies Him, every word they speak is edifying and encouraging in every way. No they are not perfect, but THEY GET IT! They get what it looks like to worship like Jesus wants us to worship! 

As we walked back to go to sleep around, 6 or so and as I fell asleep while the sun was rising, I was and still am in awe and humbled by the worship and hearts of everyone here. 

God is gracious. 

HE gave His son for you, I think the least we can do is worship Him and abandon everything that hinders us coming to Him.

(AND YES they even got me to dance! Thank you Kelvo, Sarah, and Esther)  
Kesha is translated 'throughout the night'

2

HAPPY JUNE 1ST!!! 
 
"two weeks together that's all it took. Two weeks for me to fall in love with you."*

I have officially been in Masii for two weeks. I have fallen in love. I have fallen in love with students at school, people of a church, and workers at an organization. I have fallen in love with the people of Masii Christian Chapel, with the students at Masii Academy, and of all the people who work at Tumaini. 

How do I begin to tell these people how much they mean to me?

Where do I even begin? 

I have fallen in love. I have seen the grace, love and joy that comes from Masii Christian Chapel. The pastors, elders, and people are so aware of those in need around them and the inner changes that need to be made within the church. I respect these people so much, its incredible, their reckless abandonment to the Lord during worship, the Holy Spirit is SO thick and present! I have fallen in love with the youth of MCC, they love Jesus and arent afraid to show it, they have questions and arent afraid to ask them, they love each other and arent afraid to show it. I am thankful for the welcoming arms of Pastor William, Pastor Maggie, Pastor Benja, Esther, Kelvo, and Sarah (if I forgot anyone, Im sorry!). I am thankful for their laughs when I dont say a kamba word correctly, for their hugs when I feel as though I am so far from home (and they usually dont even know it!), for their hospitality and making me feel at home, and for their friendship in Jesus, nothing can compare!

I have fallen in love. I show up at school at 7:50 on Tuesday and Thursdays and I get started at for awhile, and then comes the love, the tickling, and the laughing. Each child as this school, loves Jesus and knows what it means to love people. They love to learn (which is GREAT as their teacher!), they love to play, and they love to laugh (is there anything better than giggling children?!). And the teachers are SO wonderful and nice!! 

I have fallen in love. I show up at the office, I greet Esther, Elizabeth, and my dear (NEW) friend Sarah. I am then given the best cup of chi I will ever have (THANK YOU SARAH!). I sit and talk with the ladies about the week or weekend. I laugh when Jackson comes in and talks about wanting me to marry one of his sons, and when Paul comes in I ask him about his family. I love each of these people and I love having Mondays and Fridays with them!!

These people are my family. They are the people I go to when I need something. They are the people that I laugh with while they are laughing at me. They are the people that have protected me and kept me safe. 

I love you all and I am blessed to be spending so much time with you!! 

(AND ITS ONLY WEEK 2!!!) 

For everyone that is back home, I pray that you will read this and know that I do not feel lonely but in fact I feel quite the opposite. Thank you for your prayers, love, support, and encouragement. The journey has only begun! :)

*this quote is from the movie/book Dear John*