Luke and Bella.

I have had this page open for a long time, attempting to write about something (recently) that has brought overwhelming joy to my life. If you have spent some time with me you will quickly learn that I love kids, and I have a passion to children to know Jesus and to recognize that they are smarter than most adults. Yet somehow trying to write about this, makes me speechless, I run out of words that can formulate good enough sentences to articulate what it means to be a "child care provider", "teacher", babysitter", or whatever you want to call it, in my life. So many people I babysit for laugh at me because after I babysit their kids, I thank them. I thank them simply because I truly am grateful that they trust me enough to spend a few hours nurturing and teaching their children anything and everything I can in the small window of time I may have. I thank them because I simply love to babysit, I love that I get paid for something I love, and that I would really do it for free, (but thank you for not letting me!) 
Just this week I have been given the blessing of being able to babysit two munchkins, whom over the last two months I have fallen in love with. On Sunday and Monday, I got to spend time with Luke and Bella, well these two are my ultimate favorite and maybe selfishly because they are old enough to actually want to be around me. On Sunday, I think we did nothing but play and play and play. Bella's current favorite thing is to play elephants and watch Dumbo, which I mean, who wouldn't want to do that! And Luke, well I am 100% sure that he is smarter than me, he always wants to tell me something new he learned through his video games or in the book he is reading. He also tests me to see how much I know, which is a very sort lived game. These two days that I got to spend with them were two of my favorite since I have been home from Masii. On Monday we go to go to the zoo, which was pretty much the funnest thing ever. It was fun because one (selfish) thing that I love about Luke and Bella is they never fail to remind me that they want me around. It sounds funny but I think we all want to be reminded that we are wanted and they never fail to do so (as do their parents!). Even after almost 34 hours of spending time together, Luke still came to me when I was leaving and asked for me to stay longer. That seems so silly to me, but it seemed silly to him that I was leaving at all. I have worked with kids of different ages for different types of things, but I seem to love the mind of a 5 year old. Sometimes the things Bella says to me, I think that is smarter than anything any adult I know could come up with. Yet I know some people who would think that's stupid or unintelligent.
One of my biggest fears in my life, is that the kids I know, the ones I meet, babysit, love to death, that one day they will come into contact with someone who doesn't necessarily think the world of them and they will choose to believe that over what is true. I am scared that one day someone will tell Bella that its stupid for her to think that elephants sand horses should be big enough for the horse to ride on the back of the elephants back because they are friends, well no that's actually brilliant and the very words breathe equality. Or that one day, someone will tell Luke that he talks too fast, when in reality he isn't talking too fast you just need to pay better attention to what the smartest little boy wants to badly to tell you, that he can barely let the words out of his mouth. Bella loves to include people and Luke loves to make people laugh, simply, easy. And that is why I love kids so much, sometimes they are rough but that's because they are simply learning things that the rest of us already know. We forget that we too, were once little and knew what now seems to be very little. 
Jesus is the same way, isn't he? THAT is what He gives us. Jesus gives us grace, through the things we may not know and mistakes even when we do know them He still captures the deepest parts of our heart. He sees us for who we really are, He places passions in our hearts that give glory to Him and enhances the Kingdom. I know that it may seem silly that I thank the parents of the munchkins I babysit, but really I am grateful. I am grateful that I have the privilege to remind their children (as someone who isn't their parents) for however many hours I get to spend with them, who they are, who Jesus thinks they are, and how much Jesus truly loves them and to speak truth into their lives. It seems silly but its true. Its kind of funny how I ever got to meet these sweet munchkins in the first place but my every conversation with them opens my small mindset into something bigger and better. Bella helps me attempt to wrap my brain around the "amazingness" of elephants and Luke makes my mind explode with the incredible facts that seem to be never ending out of his mouth. I am grateful that I feel a little smarter and a little more loved each time I leave their house.
Spending time with the kids in my life, brings me joy because the vision that the Lord has given me makes it simply for me to see the joy they shine and the intelligence they hold. I am so blessed to be in a place in my own life, where babysitting is fun and somehow I get paid for something I love.

In short, I never want the shortest people in my life to remember how BIG they really are. 

this one is my favorite!

WHO wouldn't have THIS much fun making gak?

riding the Merry-Go-Round!!

B E L L A

L U K E

Benji

Benji is 5 1/2 years old. 

He loves bugs, Ben10, Star Wars, and Skylanders. 

He is a fiery little red head who loves to wear his mickey mouse pirate sweatshirt. 

He is energetic, smart, wiggly, and giggly. 

He is also someone who changed my life. 

October 31, 2011 was the first day I began working with Benji at a preschool I started working at. I was hired a few weeks earlier to work with Benji because he simply needed someone to be patient and work with him every other day. Benji is one of the most brilliant children I have ever had the privilege of working with. He simply sometimes had a hard time sharing how he was feeling and controlling those feelings when needed.

He changed my life. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I worked from 7 to 9:30 with Benji, every day I fell in love with this little boy a little more. He is gracious, loving, and energetic.

He is wiggly but love hugs.

He can be loud but he loves to laugh.

His smile is contagious and so his is laugh.

He may bug you but he really loves bugs. 

 He changed my life because he showed me every day that it's ok to be a little wild and crazy sometimes, that laughing is the most fun if you do it while jumping up and down, and that running around in circles is only fun if you pretend you are riding a speeder bike from Star Wars. Benji will grow up and be compassionate and loving to those around him, because he already does that so well now. He has learned how to be the kid that is balancing on the fine line of wild and wonderful.

Yesterday, I got to see Benji at Disneyland and I was reminded of his gracious and loving nature. I got to hug and laugh with him. He shared with me about his Christmas and his new school. He invited me to come over and play. I am grateful for his love. I miss him every day.

"GO!" by Jackie Pullinger

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZjBBqjFVtE&feature=share

Response

It's easy to see life a little bit differently after you have lived in a poverty stricken country. I think that, for some its easier than others to come back to (for most) a comfortable living situation, with a roof over your head and a refrigerator filled with food that may go bad before you can actually eat it. I think that it is also sometimes too hard to come back and not have dreams (both the night and the day time ones) about what you've seen or stories you have been told about people you have met. I have been home for more days then I could possibly count, but I sure can count how many days I was in Masii. There has been an array of different responses since my return, "well you are such a good christian because you went", "you are disappointing Jesus by not being grateful for being home", "you are such a good missionary", or "you are so strong for living through malaria". All of these responses make my skin crawl, seems odd? Well its true. I have written before about not feeling like a missionary, how I would give anything to be in Masii again, and how utterly horrible malaria really was.

Recently, I have had the privilege of being in the company of a family who is not my own who some how gets what I feel and their response has simply been to listen, whether its to complain about something superficial or to really feel my heart as I express how much I love my students in Masii or how beautiful the clouds are as I attempt to paint them a picture through my words.

Sometimes after I leave a conversation with them, one where we talked about how I am feeling, about what is going on in my life, or about how as much as I love their kids I would give my right pinky to being with my kids in Masii. And somehow they get it, I don't know if it's because of their own kids that they get it or because they just know, but its true.

My parents have always brought up about how I am in my "zone" when I am in Masii, as I skip with Faith to church or I hug on kids in the church. At first that comment made me feel weird, like I was different or not normal. Then last summer, I got it, as I stood in front of my class, and as I walked Annett home from school, and as I picked up Faith from school, and as I visited a mentally disabled school, and as I held the tiniest baby I have ever seen, I got it. I understood that, no way in heck, am I normal, no way in heck am I the same as someone else. Nope, not me, I am different. I have a different sort of rhythm to my life.

I have this weird thing about me (weird because everyone else thinks its odd), I love children. If I have met your kids, chances are I see Jesus in their eyes, chances are I wanted to pick them up and kiss their noses, chances are I would love to spend 5 minutes with them listening to them tell a story that only makes sense to them. I am going to school to be a teacher, but that's just a title for me. It is so much more than that, I love to listen to kids tell a story about owning a horse big enough for an elephant to ride on, or about a silly joke they cant wait to tell me and I don't understand it but I still laugh because they think its funny.

People have always thought that my loving kids is odd, or I do it because eventually it will be a part of my profession. Yet for me, I love it. I love not knowing the next thing they are gona say or even they next thing they are going to do. I love that the best gift I can receive is when a parent not only trusts you to babysit their kids but looks you straight in the eyes and says "we trust you". For my heart, that is the most incredible thing I can be told.

As I meet people who live 9,000 miles away who have no legs because they were amputated, or people who have literally nothing, or who have given up their kids because they cannot take care of them, or moms who have to work twice as hard to keep their babies alive, as I have meet these people I realize their is nothing wrong with them or they do not deserve this. But these kids, their kids, those kids are the same as kids here, they want nice things, they don't really want to do homework (they wanna play outside), they want to eat cookies and juice all day, they want to jump on the couches, and scream when they laugh. These kids at some point learn either one of two things, either they learn that Jesus is their hope or they begin to believe that their may be no hope. obviously knowing their is hope is Jesus is the best outcome because it is living in truth.

My grandma has always said that the only thing she ever wanted for her kids and grandkids was that they know and love Jesus. Every time I have heard this, I giggle a little because I know she is serious. I recently realized how true this is and how much I know agree with her. All I hope for, for everyone I have encountered in Masii (and everywhere) is that they see Jesus and that they know him and learn to fall in love with Him every single day. I want every single kid I have ever met in Masii (and everywhere) to grow up and know that Jesus is their hope and HE can save them.

If you have kids, or know kids, or want kids, know that they are truly the light of Jesus, Know that everything you say and do helps (or hinders) their grown. Listen to them, hug them, kiss them, keep them warm and remind them of how much Jesus loves them.

I have met kids who have can't live with their parents because their parents cannot take care of them, or kids who eat the food they hate but are given at school because that is their only good for the day, or kids who live on the streets because they dont have a home. We as people of "privilege" or rather those who have more than most of the world, we have the chance and the privilege to love and cherish the people and children who have nothing. We have the chance to be Jesus to them.

Our response should never be how great we are but how good Jesus is. 

Raegan Summer Pratt

Most people know that, the day I arrived in Masii, I also had a dear friend of mine pass away. I took it alot harder then I thought and honestly to this day have not fully dealt with it. I think that living in a place where people die every day and attempting to deal with her death was not the easiest thing I have ever done. I think eventually I just stopped thinking about it.

Yesterday (1/12/13) I attended a bench and tree dedication at PLNU for Raegan. I knew that I needed to go and that it would help me but honestly I didnt know what to expect. As I drove down with Brian and Annie, I felt my stomach turn as we got closer and closer. They both wanted to talk to me alot and honestly I just wanted to close my eyes and just be there already.

Before we go to the school we get lunch with a mutual friend, its nice to possibly not have to think about what may be coming. One of the hardest things about not dealing with her passing yet, is that since everyone else got to go to the funeral and have even gotten to visit her grave. Its hard to admit when someone you dont want to live without suddenly passes and you are scared to admit to your Christian family that frankly it breaks your heart. I can be joyful and happy that Raegan is with Jesus, but honestly that doesnt make it easier. I always knew Raegan would go to Heaven, simply because every single day she fell in love with Jesus a little more.

Raegan was different then most people, different then most Christians. Yes, she loved Jesus but I have never seen anyone love others more then she did. No she didnt really help with the homeless, or go on huge missions trips, or hand out money like it was candy. No, she did something bigger, she was a true friend to people. It's sad to say that I didn't realize how big of an impact she had on me and others until she was gone but its true. Raegan was really good at the group setting, she made people laugh, knew when a conversation was going bad and learned how to make it better, she was bubbly and joyous, but Raegan was SENSATIONAL at the one-on-one, and this it what she craved. Raegan seemed like an extrovert to most, but she really thrived with being with just one other person.

I remember the day I met Raegan (spring 2010), her and Brian were walking into the caf, and I was waiting in the lobby. Raegan and I had the same Sleeping Giant sweathshirt and I had seen her wearing it many times but was too chicken to go and talk to her. On this day she walked up to me and introduced herself, and me being nervous I said "I like your jacket" (we both happen to be wearing ours on the same day), she laughed and then I introduced myself. That day I had lunch with her and Brian for the first time, little did I know how much meeting her (& Brian) would literally change my entire life. I knew that Jesus had a very big hand in allowing me the privileged to meet Raegan and have her in my life.

Raegan understood me when I expressed to her how scared I was that she would one day leave and not want to be my friend-she hugged me and took me out for ice cream and we had a sleepover, she understood me when I wanted to pout for a weekend and eat cake and watch movies-she let me stay at her apartment all weekend, she understood me when I was frustrated and down about the way I looked-she reminded me that I was beautiful to her and to Jesus and frankly that's all that mattered, she understood me when I was frustrated with mutual friends we had, who were frankly, meaner to us then we deserved-she reminded me we would laugh about it later, she understood when I wanted to talk about superficial things like Twilight or tv or stupid music-she joined or researched stuff so she would be able to engage me with what I liked. Raegan gave of herself more than I have ever seen anyone do, I think she was hurt for her short comings more then she should have been. I think all of her friends are guilty of being short with her at one point or another.

I would get frustrated with Raegan when she would talk about how frustrated she was that no boy liked her, or no guy wanted to date her, she always knew she wouldn't get married.

Raegan was in pain 99%, but you would never know it, she never complained and never whined. Even when she had to drive to LA to go to the hospital every other day, the only thing she complained about were the tubes in her neck, and usually she was making a joke about it rather then complaining.

Raegan knew, she knew that her life would be shorter than most, she knew that she would be with Jesus sooner then the rest of us, she knew that she didnt have alot of time to share Jesus with people, but she definitely used her time wisely. She was friendly and kind to everyone she met, and she shared Jesus with everyone she encountered.

Everyone knew  5 things about Raegan.
1. she drove a blue minicooper (and was usually driving too fast)
2. she knew alot of people!
3. she HATED when your chomped your gum
4. she hated the words eyeballs and moist
5. she was deeply and madly in love with Jesus

Raegan truly was "more precious then rubies" (Proverbs 3:15)

The following are pictures taken at her dedication
(pictures taken by shutter and spice photography: http://www.shutterandspicephotography.com/#/home/ )

Mwende

Recently I was asked, and got to share the meaning of my Kamba name, Mwende. It's almost funny because I have it as part of my name on facebook, but no one really asks what it is or what it means. So talking about it again was almost something new. 

MWENDE means beloved...

I have never given much thought to the meaning of the word beloved, I mean plain and simple WE ARE JESUS' BELOVED, right? 

and that should be good enough, right? 

Yet somehow, the family I shared this with have now began to encourage me in my "belovedness" (definitely NOT a word). They remind me that Jesus loves me, that they love me, and that I truly am the Beloved.And I has gotten me thinking about what it really means to BE the Beloved.

We have many names for Jesus,
Jehovah
Prince of Peace
King of Kings
Lion of Judah
Lord
God
Heavenly Father
Abba Father
The Word
The Almighty, which is, and which was, and which is to come
(AND SO MANY MORE!)

Jesus refers to us as Beloved a few times in the bible, yet it in not in every version. In some instances his message is love and sometimes it may be telling us NOT to do something.  I think, that Beloved is definitely a term of endearment but way deeper then we can fathom. I think that we may underestimate the weight of what it means. Jesus could simply call us His Children and I think that term of ownership and family would be "enough". Yet over and over again He chooses to call us the Beloved, My Beloved, His Beloved. 
 Dictionary.com:

be·lov·ed

[bih-luhv-id, -luhvd] 

adjective

1.greatly loved; dear to the heart.

noun  
2.a person who is greatly loved.

simple enough, right?

 Yet somehow, reading it before the phrase "let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love" 1 John 4:7-8, it makes us feel a little closer to what love is. 

Being called the Beloved, truly, simply, wonderfully means that we are to BE-LOVED. Jesus has called us out of the darkness and into His marvelous to be engulfed in HIS PERFECT UNENDING DEEP UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. I think it's safe to say we will NEVER completely be able to comprehend Jesus' unconditional love, simply because as humans we are conditional people, and as Christians we try to not be. We are called the Beloved because of who HE is and because of HIS love. Through using this language Jesus is urging us onward to rest in HIS unconditional love without the worry of trying to understand it but rather to worship Him out of our "belovedness". 

When I was in Masii and I was first given this name, it was a little weird to have other people be calling me this. And then when I shared with this family and they sometimes remind me of this, it was odd at first and as I began to really search the heart of Jesus to see what this really meant, I was shocked and a little embarrassed that I didn't figure it out before. I can easily understand why I was given this name by Jesus, and by Esther (of Tumaini), I get it. I see that Jesus wanted me (and everyone who He calls the Beloved) that we are LOVED and we are to BE-LOVED by Him and through Him, we can learn to love those around us with unconditional love.

Jesus is very good to us. He sends us names and words that He knows that we need and He whispers to certain people to tell them to us because He knows that we need to hear that from them specifically.

Go today and simply and unconditionally love those around you because Jesus has given you the name and the power to do so.

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You Have Won Me by Bethel

Grace youve shown me grace 
Youve lifted my shame 
Drawn me with loving kindness 
Washed whiter than snow 
You have redeemed and made me whole 

Jesus you have won me
You have broken every chain 
With love and mercy 
 You have triumphed over death
And you are worthy 
Of glory and praise

Love youve shown me love 
By leaving your throne 
By bleeding and dying on a cross 
That wonderful cross 
That took all my guilt and sin away  

Shout it out and lift up one voice in worship
Sing it out until all the earth can hear it 
 Jesus is alive and He saves He rescues and saves (repeat)