Yesterday (1/12/13) I attended a bench and tree dedication at PLNU for Raegan. I knew that I needed to go and that it would help me but honestly I didnt know what to expect. As I drove down with Brian and Annie, I felt my stomach turn as we got closer and closer. They both wanted to talk to me alot and honestly I just wanted to close my eyes and just be there already.
Before we go to the school we get lunch with a mutual friend, its nice to possibly not have to think about what may be coming. One of the hardest things about not dealing with her passing yet, is that since everyone else got to go to the funeral and have even gotten to visit her grave. Its hard to admit when someone you dont want to live without suddenly passes and you are scared to admit to your Christian family that frankly it breaks your heart. I can be joyful and happy that Raegan is with Jesus, but honestly that doesnt make it easier. I always knew Raegan would go to Heaven, simply because every single day she fell in love with Jesus a little more.
Raegan was different then most people, different then most Christians. Yes, she loved Jesus but I have never seen anyone love others more then she did. No she didnt really help with the homeless, or go on huge missions trips, or hand out money like it was candy. No, she did something bigger, she was a true friend to people. It's sad to say that I didn't realize how big of an impact she had on me and others until she was gone but its true. Raegan was really good at the group setting, she made people laugh, knew when a conversation was going bad and learned how to make it better, she was bubbly and joyous, but Raegan was SENSATIONAL at the one-on-one, and this it what she craved. Raegan seemed like an extrovert to most, but she really thrived with being with just one other person.
I remember the day I met Raegan (spring 2010), her and Brian were walking into the caf, and I was waiting in the lobby. Raegan and I had the same Sleeping Giant sweathshirt and I had seen her wearing it many times but was too chicken to go and talk to her. On this day she walked up to me and introduced herself, and me being nervous I said "I like your jacket" (we both happen to be wearing ours on the same day), she laughed and then I introduced myself. That day I had lunch with her and Brian for the first time, little did I know how much meeting her (& Brian) would literally change my entire life. I knew that Jesus had a very big hand in allowing me the privileged to meet Raegan and have her in my life.
Raegan understood me when I expressed to her how scared I was that she would one day leave and not want to be my friend-she hugged me and took me out for ice cream and we had a sleepover, she understood me when I wanted to pout for a weekend and eat cake and watch movies-she let me stay at her apartment all weekend, she understood me when I was frustrated and down about the way I looked-she reminded me that I was beautiful to her and to Jesus and frankly that's all that mattered, she understood me when I was frustrated with mutual friends we had, who were frankly, meaner to us then we deserved-she reminded me we would laugh about it later, she understood when I wanted to talk about superficial things like Twilight or tv or stupid music-she joined or researched stuff so she would be able to engage me with what I liked. Raegan gave of herself more than I have ever seen anyone do, I think she was hurt for her short comings more then she should have been. I think all of her friends are guilty of being short with her at one point or another.
I would get frustrated with Raegan when she would talk about how frustrated she was that no boy liked her, or no guy wanted to date her, she always knew she wouldn't get married.
Raegan was in pain 99%, but you would never know it, she never complained and never whined. Even when she had to drive to LA to go to the hospital every other day, the only thing she complained about were the tubes in her neck, and usually she was making a joke about it rather then complaining.
Raegan knew, she knew that her life would be shorter than most, she knew that she would be with Jesus sooner then the rest of us, she knew that she didnt have alot of time to share Jesus with people, but she definitely used her time wisely. She was friendly and kind to everyone she met, and she shared Jesus with everyone she encountered.
Everyone knew 5 things about Raegan.
1. she drove a blue minicooper (and was usually driving too fast)
2. she knew alot of people!
3. she HATED when your chomped your gum
4. she hated the words eyeballs and moist
5. she was deeply and madly in love with Jesus
Raegan truly was "more precious then rubies" (Proverbs 3:15)
The following are pictures taken at her dedication
(pictures taken by shutter and spice photography: http://www.shutterandspicephotography.com/#/home/ )
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