Blessed.

(ALL PICTURES TAKEN [except the two he is in] BY GEOFFREY NIGHSWONGER)

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they will be filled.

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall be shown mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the sons of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you." Matthew 5:3-12

Step back. 
Recognize the blessings in your life. 
Recognize that  you did nothing to "deserve" those blessings.
Recognize that you are blessed because YOU are a child of the MOST HIGH KING!

Look at these pictures.
Look at those kids.
Look into their eyes.
Recognize that they too are blessed, loved, and favored.

We are no better.
We are no more blessed.
We are no more loved.
We are no more favored.

We are all different.
These children wake up and chose joy, they chose Jesus.
will you?!

Malaria

I had been feeling sick since Saturday, it was now Monday. I am laying on my bed keeled over in pain, bawling my eyes out.

this is it. this is the worst pain I have ever experienced. oh God please make it stop.
 
 On Saturday, I figured that I just got sick from some bad food I had, or even from being too exhausted. Oh no, this pain was different. It was excruciating and SO painful at moments I felt as though I could not breathe. It's Monday night, I did not stay at the office today, due to the pain. As I go back to my room, I can barely muster the energy to lie down, let alone walk as far as the bathroom. The only thing I can think to do is lay "upside down" on my bed, head hanging off the side of my bed, my body across the bed width ways. I then curl up in the tiniest ball I can, thinking maybe that will help, I spend the next 5 hours switching back and forth praying each time that the pain will leave and maybe I can rest. Along with the pain, was the fever, I had the fan on but every second I changed from hot to cold to hot to cold. As two of my dear friends (Esther and Kelvin), sit and stare at me as I keel over in agony, they try to comfort me and encourage me to go to the hospital. 

me?! go to the hospital? in a foreign country? 9,000 miles away from my mom? that's got to be a joke!

time goes by I try to rest my body and try to not think about it.

well that didnt work

I look at both of them, cry and say I think there is something VERY wrong, I think I need to go to the clinic tomorrow, they both agree without hesitation.Esther comes and sits next to me, feels my head, I cry to her that I feel hot and then cold and hot and then cold. She gets a small towel and puts an ice cube in it, I pathetically laugh as she place it on my head, I poke fun at it but it is helping. It is now 7, my friends have to leave. I cry, afraid to be alone and be in pain.


oh God, please make this pain stop. please grant me time of no pain or less pain just to sleep. 

Needless to say that did not happen. I closed my eyes but could not sleep, I put in my headphones attempting to drown out the pain.

It is now Tuesday morning, I am completely exhausted, I get out from under my mosquito net (is there even any point of sleeping under it at this point?). I look down at my clothes and realize they are the same clothes I was wearing yesterday.

WOW. That's embarrassing. 

I grab a different shirt and dont even attempt to change any other part of my clothing, my bed aches with every move as I change my shirt and put on my sweater.

Oh gosh.

I step outside, ITS RAINING. I smile, thankful once again for God's mercy through the most beautiful weather in the most wonderful place in the whole world (dont worry its a fact, not an opinion :)) I walk with Sarah to the clinic, thankful that I do not have to walk alone.

I am SO tired, I just want to sleep

The clinic is just past school, I become very sad as I remember that it's Tuesday and I should have gone to school today. I am heartbroken, as my heart aches to just move my body a little to the left and just walk to the place where I know I can find joy and laughter.

I can't. I need to use what energy I do have to walk to the clinic.

We arrive at the clinic. I tell the doctor my symptoms (hot/cold/hot/cold, excruciating stomach pains, headache, weakness, and tired), she writes them down and I take them with me to another doctor in the next room. This doctor asks if he can take my blood, and I say of course. He takes it and tests it, it takes a few minutes.As he does, we talk.

"So what are the symptoms you are having?"
"I am VERY tired, my body feels so weak, I am hot and cold and hot and cold constantly, I have excruciating stomach pains and I have a headache. All of these symptoms are constant and all at the same time."
"ok, well it sounds like you are having half the symptoms of Malaria and half the symptoms of Typhoid fever."

Um, excuse me, I cannot have Typhoid Fever. I paid $90 for a stupid Typhoid shot before I came here

I reply "ok, so what does that mean?"
He gets up and go to examine the blood he took.
He sits back down and says
"Well you have Malaria"

Is this a joke?! ok, hahaha, very funny, whats really wrong?

"ok, so what should I do now?"
"Well I will give you a prescription and you will take it next door and they will fill it for you."
"ok"
He write the prescription, I say thank you.
I go next door, not even able to imagine what kind of medicine and how much I will need to take.
I sit down, I give the doctor the piece of paper.
"Here you go"
"Thank you"
He points at the bag with the small pink pills (they look JUST like M&M's), "take 2 of these 3 times a day for three days", He points at a white box with white writing (later I learn that there are blue pills inside that look like chewables, they weren't though!), "take one of these 3 times a day for three days."

 


Holy moly! That's alot of pills! 





"Thank you" I say as I leave the clinic.

As I walk back to the Peter Mulei building (where I am staying), I call my dad.
"Hi dad."
"Hi, how are you feelin?"
"I am ok. I feel so weak. I just went to the clinic. I have malaria"

Did those words really just come out of my mouth? 
Is this really happening?

"you have malaria?"
"yeah"
I want to cry, but I know that I need to hold it together at least until I get off the  phone with my dad.

"I love you dad"
"I love you too and I miss you. take your medicine and drink lots of water, we are praying for you"
"ok, I will"
"call your mom too, she is worried"
"ok I will, love you"

"hi mom"
"hi, Emmy"
"I went to the clinic, and I have malaria"
"I am so sorry, Emmy."
"it's ok, mom. I am just going to rest and take my medicine"
"ok. good. Dont forget to drink water"
"ok, I wont."
"I love you mom"
"I love you too Emmy"

(granted these were short conversations because it was midnight their time and they were at CIY)

As I hangup, I am thankful for the fact that I can call my mom whenever I want. I am thankful for caring and loving parents. I am thankful as I realize that, unlike many people whom I have fallen in love with here, I am just getting malaria for the first time at the age of 21.

I sigh...
begging my legs to walk faster and for time to speed up to the moment when I get to lay my head down on my pillow.  

On my way back, I call Mary from Shammah hotel who makes my food, knowing that I need to eat something to be able to take my medicine but eating is literally the last thing I want to do at the moment.
she answers
"Good morning"
"HI. How are you?"
"I am fine thank you. did you not go to school today?" (she asks this because her kids are in my class)
"No, I just got back from the clinic. I am very sick"
"I am so sorry. Are you ok?"
um, no I feel like I am going to die. 
"yes, I am ok. I just need a little food to take my medicine."
I ask for some tea and a mendazi, kind of like a plain donut without the loads of sugar.
My stomach twitches at the thought of eating. I finally make it back, I muster up the energy to finally change my clothes. There a knock the door, its the food. I open the door, smile at the man who brought it, take it, close the door. I sit down, take a bit of the mendazi and take the medicine, I take one more bite of the mendazi and put it aside.

SIGH
FINALLY

I am so thankful for my "things of home" as I wrap myself in my favorite blanket and lay my head down on my oh so familiar bright pink pillow case.

My stomach is twitching with utter pain as I try to get my body to relax. The medicine is working, I can feel it. My stomach begins to slow itself down. I am thankful.
I close my eyes.
I sleep for about 2 hours.

Thank you Jesus that you created sleep as a part of life, no matter what part of the day it is. 

I wake up to an aching pain.

OH NO NOT AGAIN

I check my clock. It's only been 2 and a half hours since I last took the medicine.

dang it! 

I lay back in utter agony.


This is going to be THE longest day of my life. 


The day drug on as I cried my eyes out in pain and clung to my pillow to hopes that the pain would go away.

I ordered food, not out of hunger but simply to take my medicine. I recognize that I have not eaten three meals a day since I have been here and now I have to eat simply to take medicine. Each time I take the medicine, I take one bite, take the medicine, take one more bite and I am done, afraid that if I eat anymore it will come back up.

 That night I called my mom, my Grandma Judy and my Grandma Kathy.
As I talk to eat of them and recount the day, the pain, and the sickness, I am hit with an overwhelming feeling of loneliness.

I am all alone.

There is no one to hold or hand or make me feel better. I fight back the tears as I make it through these three very important phone calls. As I talk to my Grandma Kathy last, I hang up. Unable to hold back any longer, I burst into tears. This is by far the most alone I have felt since I have been here, and maybe even in my whole life.

Loneliness.

This was a feeling I have been dreading to feel and now I feel it at my weakness moment. To be alone, to feel lonely. I am 9,000 miles away from my family, sick, in a foreign country, alone. This is horrible.

It's night time here.
I know I need to sleep.
I have taken my 3 pills 3 times this day.
I climb under my mosquito net and try with all my might to push all of the pain of malaria and loneliness away.
I somehow fall asleep for a little while.

I check the time on the clock

7:30am

I close my eyes again.
Once again I check the time on the clock.

9:03am

From underneath my mosquito, not really able to move, I order something to take with my medicine.

I am overcome with an overwhelming sense of loneliness once again.
So I do the only thing I have energy for, I reach over and open Jesus Calling.

JULY 18
"I am nearer than you think, richly present in all your moments. You are connected to ME by Love-bonds that nothing can sever. However, you may sometimes feel alone, because your union with Me is invisible. Ask me to open your eyes, so that you can find Me everywhere. The more aware you are of My Presence, the safer you feel. This is not some sort of escape from reality; it is tuning into the ultimate reality. I am far more Real than the world you can see, hear, and touch. Faith is the confirmation of things we do not see and the conviction of their reality, perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses." Acts 17:27-28, Hebrews 11:1

whoa.
I can't move.
I just sit, in agonizing pain yet breathtaking peace.

"It's going to be ok. I am here, just rest." He whispers in my ear

As I lay back down, I wrap myself in the Father's embrace and now that one day this pain wont be so bad.

As the day went on, I attempted to get ready to see Pastor William and Maggy in the office, but I only stayed for the short time for my energy was not good enough to barely sit up.

I rested for the rest of the night.

Thursday came.

 I need to go to school.

I wake up and get ready and will all of my energy, I walk to school. I can barely stand up as I stand in front of 10 little students I have gone a week without seeing and miss with all my heart. As I write each lesson on the board I get more and more physically exhausted. At one point, my arm fell as I was writing and the chalk shattered as it hit the ground and all my kids scream "sorry!" (which happens every time I drop something)

I stay until 12:30, I leave right before lunch, completely and utterly exhausted.

As I make my way home, I thank God for the energy and the time I could go to school. I go back and rest thankful that this is the last day that I have to take my medicine, hopefully that tomorrow I will feel better.

Friday is here and I feel better, now my body just feel exhausted, like someone used me as a punching bag.

Today is Friday, I am blessed to say I went until almost 2:30 without resting.
This sickness is weird because it is all inward and lots of fatigue.
Even almost a week later, I still feel it. 
Every day I will get stronger, I just know it.

This sickness has made me grateful for the health that I do have, and for the strong immune system I have been given. I am thankful for the resources to be able to get the medicine, when so many die without it.

As it is Friday night here, I am about to lay down and go to sleep, I am worried as I think about how I only have 19 more days left. And then I remember THANK YOU JESUS I HAVE 19 DAYS LEFT! :)



**THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS. OUR GOD IS BIG AND OUR GOD IS GREAT. THANK YOU FOR YOUR FAITHFULNESS IS PRAYING**

FAITH

(written June 29, 2012)

As many of you know, the first time I came to Masii three years ago, I fell in love with a little girl named Faith. What I am realizing is that many people do not why? What was it about THIS little girl that opened the door to my love of Masii and for children?! I remember the very day I met her and I will never forget it.

We were coming out of the Mulei building to leave on our daily routine of visiting some of our Tumaini kids. As usual there were many kids that ran up to us, we said hi, shook hands, and gave hugs. As I look down I realize that there is a little girl tugging on my skirt, I bend down, and hug her, my heart seems to find peace. I smile at her, she smiles back, she says “Faith”, I understand that she means to say her name is Faith.  My mom comes over and takes a picture, little did I know that this picture would change my life for the next two years.

I hug her tight and go on with my day. Every single day after that for two weeks, she ran to me, hugged me, kissed me, and sang with me. Faith’s presence in my life has impacted the way I view the simple things in life, like singing, giggling, hugging, and loving. The reason that Faith is so important to my journey is because she was the VERY first child that I saw the love of Jesus in. Her eyes speak of grace in a way that has helped me to see how Jesus gives us undeserving grace every day.  Her laugh speaks volumes to the joy of the Lord. Her embrace has a way of making you feel loved, and I believe that’s how Jesus wants us to embrace him, always. Her goofy faces have taught me how to love life and its goofiness.  Her love for her sister reminds me of how my sister deserves to be treated by me every single day.  

Faith has taught me how to live a life worthy of my calling, Faith was 5 when I met her, she wasn’t even in kindergarten yet, but she knew what life for her ment. She listened to her mom, played a lot, and watched out for her sister. Now she is 8, in first grade, she recently lost her step sister in a car accident. She is learning what it means to not understand what is going on, but she still lives her life, she still takes care of her sister and she still laughs a lot. On Sunday mornings, when her and her sister come to church they sit in Sunday school, sing all the songs, know all the dance moves and answer all the questions. She may not completely understand, but she does know what she is saying. She knows that she doesn’t have to completely understand why this man died for her sins but she does know what she owes her life to him.

Seems like a lot for an 8 year old?!

Maybe

But that is why; she has impacted my life SO much. She taught me how to love and how to be loved by Jesus; she helped me SEE Jesus at a point where I was exhausted of the things that the world had ticked me with by offering it to me with a Christian label on it. She was the VERY first person that I fell in love with in Masii and she will always be a very important person in my life.

So as I sit here with her, at her mother’s home (not in Masii but pretty close). I cannot believe that I am here (and not in a good way). I look at her mother who is sitting in the front, her eyes blood shot from crying. I make eye contact with Faith, she comes over to me, greeting every single person on the way to me (I am SO proud!), she finally gets to me. I am excited to hug tight and kiss her head, I have been waiting in anticipation for this all day. As we listen to the pastor who is speaking, she sits on my lap, which she is almost getting too big to do! I listen, though I cannot understand I can feel the tension. Faith’s step sister died in a car accident a week ago, and today is the day before the funeral. I know that today, the Lord sent me here to spent time with Faith, Mary (her little sister), and her mother, to encourage them in what may come next. As I sit there, I hug Faith so tight she squeals. I look down at my arms, she has completely enveloped herself in me, the only way I can tell where her arms are and where mine are is because I am white and she is black. I am thankful for this moment. I close my eyes, not wanting to take this moment for granted, KNOWING that when I get home in 6 weeks, I am going to crave this moment to happen all over again. I kiss her forehead, just wanting to comfort her and be there for her, I honestly haven’t even asked how she is doing because I am too afraid that I won’t be able to handle the answer.  The idea that the child that I love the most in the world COULD be hurting is so much to handle! I know that she is strong, probably stronger than me. She sees my ring, it says Faith, she gasps realizing what it says and why I got it. She giggles. I smile, knowing that I have worn it every day since last time we came one year ago. As we sit there, she counts my bug bites, plays with my arm hair (they don’t have any, so they are intrigued by mine), admires my pink nail polish, and interlocks her fingers with mine. I smile, these are my favorite moments, I can see her mind spinning and moving with curiosity and brilliant thoughts.

As I sit and hold her tight, I remember the day we met, and the first two weeks we spent together in the summer of 2009. I am thankful for her. I am thankful for the role she has played in my life, for the joy that she has brought my heart, and the happiness she has brought to my trips to Masii. I thank God for her every day. This trip, I have seen Faith the least amount of times since I came the first time. Sometimes I feel guilty that I don’t see her as often as I know I should. Then right after that thought comes, the next day I will randomly see her and I remember that my best friend is an 8 year old that I have known for 3 years and who has taught me what love and joy of Jesus look like, and no matter how many days I go without seeing her, every time we see each other, we will both smile and run into each other’s arms. I am thankful for this 8 year old and her FAITH in Jesus and in me.

2009

2011

2012

Thank you JESUS for this beautiful sweet girl :)

busy

Well it has definitely been a busy week, last week! Monday I helped in the TIO office, Tuesday I was at school, Wednesday I helped with Pastor and Maggy at the church office (and we had cell group at Esther and Kelvin's house!!! it was incredible!), Thursday was school, and Friday I helped in the TIO office again and I also got to go with Pastor and Maggy to Faith's mum's house to mourn the loss of Faith's step sister. Friday night was Kesha, which was amazing (like last time!here is the blog for that one: http://ourgodisbig.blogspot.com/2012/06/kesha.html ), we had fasted from Wednesday to Friday and broke our fast by drinking chai. Saturday morning, I got home at 6 am and went to bed around 7 am and slept until 10 am (yeah, 3 hours), then I went with Pastor and Maggy to "the Show" in Machakos (picture like the OC fair on Kenyan budget, it was interesting!), then we went to a graduation party (congratulations Nancy Joel!). Sunday was a little different, we only had one service from 9 am to noon, and it was all prayer and worship, it was amazing! On Sunday, the church also dedicated a field for the children, there was games and fun! After church, I went to Pastor's house and made lunch with Maggy, I loved this time we got to spend just the two of us, cooking, laughing, and talking, I loved it! Then at 4, there was Bridge Girders (MCC youth) at Shammah Hotel! It was all so great. I am thankful for the time spent with people who I now call family.


Last night I went to sleep ready for this week, but that was definitely NOT how I woke up. Today I woke up feeling SO sick. Many times in the past 6 months, I have gotten headaches so bad that I get a stomach ache and sometimes throw up (gross! SORRY!). I never know what the issue is but pray that it doesnt come back. Today I woke up with a bad headache and stomach ache. I knew it was nothing I ate, yet I could barely get out of bed. I moaned as I attempted to get up. I took some aspirin and slept a little longer. Then I realized, OBVIOUSLY I am getting sick. I have not taken a breather or a break in about 6 days! Jesus created us to rest, (His day was Sunday) yet sometimes our schedule doesn't allow it, or rather WE dont allow it. Today I spent some time with Lord and realized that there was an aching on my heart to simply spend a long amount of time in His presence in silence, not in praying for reading but just silence. I did and it was beautiful.  Jesus is too good to us. He captured our hearts and allows for moments of rest and peace. He hold our hearts in His hands, always but even more when we are exhausted.

Thank you Jesus for giving me moments of rest, when I need it most.
You are good.
You are holy.
You are perfect.