calling

not many people get to say that they have stood in the exact moment that defined their whole heart and life, even just for a second. Yet somehow I spent 9 hours twice a week for 3 months, or 540 minutes each week for 12 weeks, doing just that, standing in the very moment(s) that I was born for.

If you spend 5 minutes around me, you (hopefully) recognize my heart and see that I LOVE (not past tense because the love isn't over) living in Masii and I would give anything to be there. Yet, not many know how I really feel about being here and being so far from "home". Not necessarily because I hide it but rather I love to talk about the joy I felt rather than the hurt I feel now.

When you have stood in the exact moment that not only defines your life, it makes sense of the yearning in your heart that you didn't even know was there. It's like what my mom always says "Once you have seen Jesus, it's impossible to go back." For me, now that I have lived in that moment, the one single moment I was meant for, its hard to go back. Not that I wont, ever teach again but rather it's hard to understand myself without it at this point. 

From my first "what do you want to be when you grow up" dress up day in Kindergarten, I wanted to be a teacher. From my first day in Masii 3 years ago, I knew, that I wanted to be that person in a child's life that helps them grow, help them learn, and help them know Jesus.

For  9 hours twice a week for 3 months, or 540 minutes each week for 12 weeks I stood in the very moment(s) that I was born for. And OH BABY (as Mike Spradlin would put it) I could never imagine such a feeling. MY first thought? (human, imperfect, and selfish thought) "what have I gotten myself into? Can I even do this?" 
*deep breath...1,2,3,4,5*
and from that moment on I dont remember if I "did well" or "was the worst teacher ever" but that was if for me. The was the moment I had waited my whole life to feel, and ever single day I felt that way, as I stood in front of my 3rd grade class of 9 students, my 2nd grade class of 10 students, and my preschool class of a changing number of students, each day I fell in love with it a little more. 

So what now? how do I move on from here?
how do I go on living life, going back to the feeling of being far from my hearts place of rest?
my job there was to love people and teach my munchkins the best I could, now at my job I fold towels, help customers, and attempt to not feel completely incompetent every single moment.

how do you go from one to the other?

it seems funny to ask, but not many realize that I dont just love teaching, its what I was born for. So now, I live in a country where we focus on ourselves, where we have jobs that one hours pay would feed a family for a week in Masii, where we cant love children because its "creepy", and we sing worship songs to God yet they really express who we are rather than His glory. 

seems scatterbrained and crazy, well thats because it truly is. 
I am not complaining about my life, yet I am attempting to point out that being there and then being here is a hurdle in it's self. 

but every moment there, was worth everything I feel here! 

When we so desire God's will in our life, we get it, in a BIG way!

this is short but mostly to say that I am blessed to have even know what I am called to do! If you dont, please ask, he WANTS to tell you and he wants to hold you as you venture through your life and the adventure of your calling.

Third grade

Second grade

Preschool