As I sit here in my special education class, I am thoroughly distracted, more so then I have been in awhile. This morning in my pe for teachers class, my professor handed me a brochure for teaching school in Ghana, and getting school credit for it. Honestly, I sort of brushed it away cause I was nervous for my lesson I was to teach to my class today. Then I come to my special education class, and Dr. J hands me the same brochure. I am in awe. This brochure is the same one except this one is in color, and you can see the real beauty of living in a place in Africa. I am struck with heartbreak. So many people have asked me if it will be hard for me not to go back to Kenya this summer, after going to 3 years in a row. Will be hard? It already is. This idea that I'm going to spend this summer (in a way) going to the beach, soaking up the sun, and sleeping in. It's hard to even imagine at this point. At some point, it'll sink I'm right? This idea that I have "chosen" (rather I listen to The Lord) that this summer instead of going to Kenya, I am graduating from point Loma, finishing my last undergrad class, and (hopefully) taking some credential classes. Seems funny, that at this point in the semester for the last two years I have had my plane ticket bought, my bags 1/2 packed, and my heart already too excited. It's weird to think that I won't be going this semester, simply because I am going to the next step of my life. I love that comfort of knowing that I will always go back because that's where my heart lies and where Jesus has called me. It's unnerving to think about all the munchkins who will continue to grow up and move on with their lives. It's crazy to think that the next time I go to Kenya (presumably), baby Jessica will be 2 and walking and talking, Keziah will be 6 and in 1st grade, Faith will be 11 and in grade6 (HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!), and Mwende will be 11 and in class 5. This is insane to me! But on my end, I will (again, presumably) be 24 (almost 25) graduated from college and have my teaching credential, HOLY MOLY! In a way, I help but move on with my life, I can't help but live my days in a way that the only way my heart knows to not be broken by not being in Kenya, its the only way I know how to honor the Lord in the here and the now.
(I wrote all the above part in my class, dont worrry I was paying attention)
Now, I am home and have more work to get done in the next 9 hours then I feel like is even humanly possible. Yet, I came home and watched 4 videos which included the beautiful singing voices of different children in Masii. For those of you who really know me, well you obviously know that I am bawling my eyes out. Totally overwhelming, "can't even see the screen" sort of crying, but I am not heart broken, rather I am thankful. Thankful that I was able to go so many times, and hopefully will be able to in the future. As I continue to go on with my life, my school work, my jobs, and church stuff because THIS is where the Lord has me. Which is a hard thing to grasp as I attempt to really live in the presence of the Lord in every instance of my life.
As I continue in school and graduate in 2 months 3 weeks and 1 day, I am learning to remember the big picture and not just stress over todays homework. God plan is bigger than this silly assignment I can't figure out, and bigger than what I can figure out. Thankfully THAT is one of many joys of following Jesus, I dont have to have it all figured out.
"Your heart will take you places your head can't comprehend. In God you can experience things that are impossible to explain." Kris Vallotton