calling

not many people get to say that they have stood in the exact moment that defined their whole heart and life, even just for a second. Yet somehow I spent 9 hours twice a week for 3 months, or 540 minutes each week for 12 weeks, doing just that, standing in the very moment(s) that I was born for.

If you spend 5 minutes around me, you (hopefully) recognize my heart and see that I LOVE (not past tense because the love isn't over) living in Masii and I would give anything to be there. Yet, not many know how I really feel about being here and being so far from "home". Not necessarily because I hide it but rather I love to talk about the joy I felt rather than the hurt I feel now.

When you have stood in the exact moment that not only defines your life, it makes sense of the yearning in your heart that you didn't even know was there. It's like what my mom always says "Once you have seen Jesus, it's impossible to go back." For me, now that I have lived in that moment, the one single moment I was meant for, its hard to go back. Not that I wont, ever teach again but rather it's hard to understand myself without it at this point. 

From my first "what do you want to be when you grow up" dress up day in Kindergarten, I wanted to be a teacher. From my first day in Masii 3 years ago, I knew, that I wanted to be that person in a child's life that helps them grow, help them learn, and help them know Jesus.

For  9 hours twice a week for 3 months, or 540 minutes each week for 12 weeks I stood in the very moment(s) that I was born for. And OH BABY (as Mike Spradlin would put it) I could never imagine such a feeling. MY first thought? (human, imperfect, and selfish thought) "what have I gotten myself into? Can I even do this?" 
*deep breath...1,2,3,4,5*
and from that moment on I dont remember if I "did well" or "was the worst teacher ever" but that was if for me. The was the moment I had waited my whole life to feel, and ever single day I felt that way, as I stood in front of my 3rd grade class of 9 students, my 2nd grade class of 10 students, and my preschool class of a changing number of students, each day I fell in love with it a little more. 

So what now? how do I move on from here?
how do I go on living life, going back to the feeling of being far from my hearts place of rest?
my job there was to love people and teach my munchkins the best I could, now at my job I fold towels, help customers, and attempt to not feel completely incompetent every single moment.

how do you go from one to the other?

it seems funny to ask, but not many realize that I dont just love teaching, its what I was born for. So now, I live in a country where we focus on ourselves, where we have jobs that one hours pay would feed a family for a week in Masii, where we cant love children because its "creepy", and we sing worship songs to God yet they really express who we are rather than His glory. 

seems scatterbrained and crazy, well thats because it truly is. 
I am not complaining about my life, yet I am attempting to point out that being there and then being here is a hurdle in it's self. 

but every moment there, was worth everything I feel here! 

When we so desire God's will in our life, we get it, in a BIG way!

this is short but mostly to say that I am blessed to have even know what I am called to do! If you dont, please ask, he WANTS to tell you and he wants to hold you as you venture through your life and the adventure of your calling.

Third grade

Second grade

Preschool

Thankfulness

thank·ful [thangk-fuhl] 

feeling or expressing gratitude; appreciative.

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As week begin the beautiful, stressful, fun, and adventurous week that is Thanksgiving, there should be a moment to step back and express the simple and wonderful things that we truly are thankful for. It is easy to respond to a favor or response someone gives you with "thank you" and then they respond with a "you're welcome", but what if saying "thank you" truly meant, "I am thankful for you and who you are, your heart and life are a priority to me and I respect the person that you are." What if this Thanksgiving as we eat too much turkey, wear new clothes, and express our thanks for the people we love, what if we truly shared with the ones we love how much and why we love them. What if we hugged those we love tighter, kissed the ones we kiss harder, and never take our time with the ones we love for granted. Through this longing I have to express to people how much I love them and how grateful I am for them, I need to recognize how grateful and how much I truly love the people I met in Kenya this summer. Anyone who spends 10 minutes with me, knows that I am in love with everyone I met in Masii. This whole month I have been struck this over zealous need to finish school and go back to the place where I belong. As I sit and look at pictures and videos of my beautiful students and amazing friends, I can't help but be grateful and thankful for ache that I have in my heart and the love I have for people who live differently and who are so different from me. I love that I have seen Jesus' real love through those whose skin is a different color than mine. I love that I have learned what genuine thankfulness looks like from those who have little or no material posessions. I am grateful to have a different outlook on Thanksgiving this year, as I yearn for everyone to feel the joy that I have felt through standing in the very specific spot that God has called me to and for people to understand what genuine thankfulness looks like. 

I am thank for the staff of Tumaini.

You are incredible, selfless people who give of your selves every day. Thank you for taking care of me and being great to me. I am so grateful for you. I love you all so much. 

  

 I am thankful for the people of MCC. 
You have a special place in my heart. I love you all so much. You all are my home and my heart. I miss you all! 

I am thankful for my beautiful students of Masii Academy.

Arguably the most important people of my whole time in Masii, I am so thankful for each student (99 total) and their enormous hearts to learn and grow. Thank you for squeals, hugs, stares, and laughs. They brought me joy every single day. Thank you for letting me take too many pictures of you and for making me smile every day. You all are so incredible and I dont know what I would have done without you. I love you each so much and I miss you dearly!

I am thankful for the staff at Masii Academy.

Thank you for letting me into your work place and into the hearts of your students. I am so grateful for your patience and grace. You all have a special place in my heart.

I am thankful for Esther, Kelvin and Mum.
Thank you for playing such a big role in my time in Masii. Your family blessed me so much and I cannot be more thankful. Thank you for spending time with me while I was sick, thank you laughing me when I needed it, thank you for hugging me when I felt lonely, and for feeding me when I was hungry. I miss you three so very much. 

I am thankful for Annett. 
Thank you for teaching me what courage looks like. You are the most intelligent little girl I have ever met and I am blessed to be your teacher. I love that I got to go with you to spend time with your mom, Victor, and Aunt. I love that I got to teach you the "B-I-B-L-E". Thank you for your hugs and your kisses. I love you and miss you more than words can express. 

I am thankful for Keziah.
 Thank you for your sweet hugs, your beautiful singing voice, and your joyful laugh. I miss your giant hugs and your cute laugh. I miss you so much. I love you.

I am thankful for Faith.

Thank you for being my best friend. You have showed me what joy is and opened my eyes to what love is. I am grateful for you and for your place in my heart. Thank you for singing with me, laughing with me, and playing barbies with me. I love you so very much. I miss you every minute of every day. 

I am thankful for Benja. 

Thank you for being the best big brother in the whole wide world.Thank you for coming to visit when I was sick, inviting me to your rehearsals, valuing my opinion, and for laughing with me when I needed it the most. I value your heart and your opinion. I am grateful to have you in my life. love you big brother. miss you so much.

Finally to the people who gave up the most for me:

I am thankful for Pastor William and Maggy (adopted dad and mom)

Thank you for being gracious with me when I "tripped", for feeding me when I hadn't eaten all day, for hugging me when I felt homesick, for pinching me when I deserved it, for taking care of me when I was sick and for helping me step out of the things I would normally do. I love you both so much and I am not sure how I would have gotten through my three months without your love and grace. 

(I have pictures for the blank ones, they just wouldn't load)

happy 22nd birthday to me

happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday to Emily
happy birthday to you.
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Over this past weekend I was sang this song twice in person, twice over the phone and once over a text message. "Happy birthday"...what an interesting idea. Shouldn't I already be happy? I lived through another year of life, got to life out my hearts' biggest desire and live in Africa for three months, and on and on and on. I could sit here and name every single thing that I was blessed by and am happy for as I turn 22 and reflect on my 21st year of life.

Birthdays have always, I MEAN always, been a HUGE deal in the Hoverson House, we have ALWAYS had some sort of birthday party and always a birthday blessing. This past weekend I spent the weekend with my grandma, we had a wonderful time and I really enjoyed it. Today, on my actual birthday, I drove home, I raced home because I wanted to watch two shows on tv tonight. As I drove home, I thought alot about my life and mostly about Africa (as always). I am grateful to have spent 3 months there and do exactly what the Lords called me to.

As I sat in my car, in traffic, so tired and so exhausted, I begin to cry. This birthday has been SO weird, my birthday has always been a big deal for me, its the one day out of the year where I feel like everyone is nice to be and everyone "hopes I have a great day". But today, I felt sadden as wonderful and blessed I am to have spent it with my family, there are only school full of children I would give my left arm to spend not only my birthday but my every single day with them.

Today was a rough day for me, well mostly just because of the idea that I blew out 3 candles (one on three separate desserts I had) and I think it's safe to say we all know what I wished. Through that though I think its also safe to say that even if I didnt wish it on my birthday candles it will still happen.

Today I turned 22 years old and realized that every single day when I wake up I want to be back in Masii and I never ever want to leave and I realized that I have been expecting for that feeling to lessen as I spend more time here in the US, oh how I am quit wrong about that. Its not so much a feeling as a fact, I miss my home and there isnt a day that goes by that will make it feel less than that, rather it will only make it stronger.

home.

“The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.” ―Maya Angelou

I have waited 21 years to find my home 
to find the place where things make sense to me
the place where love is seen in the eyes of everyone I see
the place where where children are too beautiful for words
the place where people love you simply because you love them
the place where greetings are not only expected but deeply desired 
the place where singing and dancing is 100% a constant form of worship happening, constantly
the place where my heart find true and simply joy
the place where even though I am a different skin color I feel more comfortable than ever before
the place where happiness and joy are felt from the moment I step outside
the place where I find comfort and safety just from the beauty of the clouds

I have waited 21 years to find my home, the place where my heart is at rest. 

Finally I have found that place, I have found my home. 
..........
I have moved around alot and have had too many friendship end for reasons I dont even understand, I have always felt the sting of loniless and always feeling like a stranger no matter where I was.
Now I honestly feel like it even more now that I have found the place my heart longs for constantly.

Every single morning I wake up and my heart feels like its in the bottom of my stomach, I feel as though I am going to be sick with this longing feeling of missing my family, friends, and students in Masii. Some days I just want to lie in bed and just cry because I want to be there and not here. I then begin to feel guilty about not wanting to be here, so then I get in my car to go for a drive and my Africa Childrens Choir cd blasts through the speakers, and then I remember I have no reason to feel guilty Masii is where my heart is, and its never leaving. 

Masii is my home, it is where my heart is at peace and my mind is at rest. I do not feel anxious but joy, I do not feel fear but happiness. I have seen the poorest of the poor, the most hungry, the sick and the dying and they all live and breathe in the place I call home. Recently I was hit by this incredible thought, I dont want to be in Heaven without my Masii family....
I guess I have some stuff to share with some people ;)

pictures.

here is a post just for pictures.

Meet ALL my students! (preschool, second, and third!)