It's been awhile....

It’s been awhile, I haven’t written a post in a few days and honestly I haven’t even clicked open “blogspot”, in an attempt to write one. It’s Friday, June 07, 2013 and I have been here for 3 weeks and the team from VCC will be here in 4 weeks(!!!!). This week has been “off” for me. I didn’t wash my clothes until I had nothing left, I sat on FB and talked with people I miss more than I have before, I have had a horrible time sleeping, and today I woke up with a sore throat. This is what I call being off my “a” game.

Being here, all over again, it has been REALLY easy to simply compare each day to last time, to compare each feeling with the ones I had before, to compare my actions with the ones I had before, to compare what I fell in love with last time to what I allow myself to love this time. Comparing has regretfully become too easy.

But at the same time, since living at home for the last 10 months I have learned (and am continuing to learn) about how to focus on things other than myself, and to be able to really SEE people and not just look past them to the next thing. This time around here in Masii, I am overly aware of those around, I am sure I am sometimes looking like I am paranoid. People still ask me for things, that I can’t begin to understand how to give them  And everywhere I go I am expected to talk, preach, or pray. For me saying yes to coming here was the easy part, rather it’s the daily stepping out of my room and saying “I am totally terrified that my yes will put me in an uncomfortable place or even in a place that I may fail but I will say yes anyways” THAT is hard.

Today is my day in the TIO office, and I did some creative work on the computer (THANKS FOR TEACHING ME THE TRICKS, DAD!) but then the power went out and I was forced to simply sit there and wait for it to come back on. As I sat there, I searched around for a book to read, while I waited. First I picked up a bible, but then as I was reading I realized it was King James Version and I felt like I was reading in Swahili. I put it away, and then picked up a copy of Crazy Love by Francis Chan.

(THIS BOOK IS INCREDIBLY GOOD, if you haven’t read it, READ IT NOW!)

“ The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10

I read the above verse, in a chapter that I read in Crazy Love. Through reading the few chapters I read, I learned that I was allowing Satan to steal my joy by allowing myself to become overrun by comparison. (comparison of last time, and my ability and strength last time)

“God does not call the equipped, He equips the called”

I have always loved this quote, not because “I am called” but because it creates space for me to not have to know EVERYTHING and be PERFECT at EVERYTHING all the time.  Jesus never asked me to say yes because I would always LOVE every second; He wanted me to say Yes because the epitome of His love is giving your life for others and thinking of yourself less.

"Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less." -- C. S. Lewis

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’"

Matthew 25:34-40

So as a finish another week here, I am grateful and elated that I recognized my short comings and can (next week) move into stepping into saying yes all over again and being gracious with myself that I may fail but Jesus never chose me because I wouldnt fail but rather because He knew I'd say YES.

THANK YOU ALL, for your LOVE, SUPPORT, and GRACE as I spend my days 9,000 miles away, serving Jesus and the people of Masii. Your prayers would be continually appreciated as I am here and face things that I certainly can't begin to explain (at least over the internet). 

(this was written, on paper on June 7 but posted on June 8)